2003-12-17 - 2:53 p.m.
I have no new material, the days are directionless and aimless and fruitless but generally pleasant. Thus in true d-land tradition, it's time for a little appropriation. Or you know, a lot.
111 random me-related notions.
1. Supposedly, most people do not dream in colour. But I do.
2. Last night I spent my entire dream running away from Santa who had gone mad for some reason. Except towards the end we were both tired so we stopped to have some ribena.
3. My only sibling is a brother, and he is 21 years older than me.
4. I was either a big accident or adopted. I hope it was adopted.
5. Relationship with brother is pretty much non-existant, and when people ask me I almost forget about him completely and say I am an only child.
6. When I was 6, I thought I was going to marry him because he was the only guy I knew at the time.
7. He's married now and I am an aunt, which is good as I love children.
8. I want to have 2-5 children of my own, but I fear I never will as me turning into hairless cat-lady is far more conceiveable.
9. I live with my parents, and am afraid I'll never move out because they are old/sick, and I am a dutiful daughter.
10. I'm not sure I will ever live a life I am happy to call my own. Scarier still, I don't think I'll ever try to.
11. I'm no good with pets. My rabbits ran away, my ducks flew away, and my fish committed fish-acide.
12. I watched "extreme makeover" the other night, and couldn't understand the people going through surgery to change themselves.
13. I hate 95% of my body but wouldn't change it, it's still me.
14. I've been trying to exercise and eat healthily though ... I'm doing well if you can count lying in the sun as exercise and cold pizza for breakfast as healthy.
15. I like cooking and am slowly getting better at it. The process is fun but I love watching people try the product, seeing their faces light up with surprise when it doesn't taste as bad as they thought. Okay, it's more of a slow gradual improvement, but still.
16. I am torn between eating what I want and trying to look like the airbrushed models.
17. In 2001 I starved myself for a year, eating minimal amounts of tasteless food.
18. My body was dizzy and weak most of the time, but I had never felt so strong.
19. After that cake won me back over from the dark side. I'm glad but at the same time I miss it.
20. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I look.
21. I think about other things too, but I don't like thinking about my life because there is an extreme sense of helplessness going on.
22. I have nominated 2003 as my worst year ever.
23. I hate feeling like a 6 year old half the time, and a 46 year old the other half of the time. I am actually 19, damnit.
24. My mother still tries to tell me when to go to bed and brush my teeth and how to run my life.
25. Ironically, I actually run her life as she loses her memory a bit every day. She can no longer recognise denominations of money, read, tell the time, or sign her name.
26. Thus people who tell me things are going to be okay really piss me off.
27. No one in my extended family knows she is ill.
28. Only my brother and father and me know. My brother is good for nothing except occasionally bringing cake. My father helps a bit but he also complains a lot.
29. This morning he was whining at my mother for not making him any food so I made him an omelette.
30. To an outsider it might seem like he uses me more than he should. But considering how hard he works, and that the only reason he hasn't retired yet is so he can pay my uni fees, I cut him an appropriate amount of slack.
31. I've seen a counsellor 3 times this year. It doesn't really help me because for the most part I can't get him to understand, but I feel good for going because it's my token effort.
32. I don't want to be in uni anymore because I know I am going nowhere, but I can't be bothered to admit that to anyone.
33. Sometimes I wish that I could fall into a coma for long enough to make me feel better.
34. But as long as I'm not pms-ing I don't usually feel so bad.
35. After all, I'm young, healthy, sun shiney and birds singy...
36. I'm only on number 36 and I already feel out of things to say.
37. I've never seen a dead body in person.
38. I once accidentally saw a dead body in a photo.
39. Croatians are weird; they are the only people I know who take photos at funerals.
40. I speak a basic amount of Croatian, but I speak it like a 65yr old male since I learned it off my father and thus conjugate most of my verbs wrong.
41. Before I did grammar in linguistics this year I always had to remind myself that a verb was a 'doing' word.
42. Psychology and linguistics are my majors at uni, but I'm better at linguistics.
43. When I was in high school, they used to call me the english queen because of my stupid ability to do little work for good marks.
44. I hated that.
45. I hated highschool too.
46. Even though I should have grown up by now, the last 3 times I visited high school or high school related events I have cried uncontrollably.
47. When I saw the Iraqi-Australians dancing for joy at the capture of Saddam I shed a single tear.
48. However generally I cry at less poignant moments, nescafe ads, reese witherspoon movies, that moment in babe where the crowd is stunned by babe directing sheep.
49. When I was younger I cried whenever I got yelled at.
50. I get yelled at by my father when he's trying to teach me how to drive.
51. Last time it was because I had my eyes on the speedometer and I started to veer off the road. While I was doing 70kms/hr. In a 60 zone.
52. I think it would be better for pedestrians and motorists everywhere if I was never given a license.
53. I don't like phones but when I am alone at uni I am obsessed with smsing people.
54. I always screen my calls because of the time I was "stalked".
55. "Stalked" because though it was damn scary at the time, when your stalker is an overweight old czechoslovakian woman, you can't deny the comic element.
56. My life long goal is to become a lap-dancing nun who solves crime. Or to star in a movie where I am a lap-dancing nun who solves crime at least.
57. In the movie I would not be nakee.
58. I'd like to make movies, but I have no idea how, plus most of my stories are just appropriated pieces of other stories.
59. I can be clever but am ultimately unoriginal.
60. The temperature has reached 32 degrees celsius in this room.
61. I worry about global warming, globalisation, and things involving the globe in general, because people in general are making such a mess of it.
62. My favourite colour is silver because it's just a shiney gray... and I don't believe in black and white.
63. If I could do anything, I probably wouldn't do anything.
64. Limitations used to be my motivation.
65. But now I am plagued by apathy so I generally lack motivation entirely.
66. I wear my hair short now for the first time in about 15 years.
67. It also has an appropriate streak of platinum blonde in it, the rest of it is dark brown.
68. I want to get a tattoo and see how long it would take my parents to realise it wasn't a fake. I'd give them about 6 months, if I was careful.
69. I drink socially have never had a cigarette and wouldn't touch drugs even if you tried to pay me.
70. My life is too complicated for me to start throwing in factors with unknown results.
71. This is also the reason I don't use boys ... for long.
72. I don't take a lot of chances, I don't want to make things worse; even though I can't imagine how things could get worse I really don't want to find out.
73. I used to be a book worm but now I can't read anything more complicated than Mills&Boon.
74. I don't believe in love or even a god.
75. Even though there is a picture beside me of a sheep leering at baby jesus asleep on the hay.
76. I was raised a catholic but all I know is that things will often happen regardless of your actions and now is likely to be all there is.
77. I'm not really an optimistic person but I'll pretend sometimes just to get by.
78. I love taking off in planes. There's nothing like that feeling of leaving the ground behind.
79. I am a consumer, possessions vindicate me, and I both hate and love that.
80. I focus on the negatives but I treasure the positives.
81. One of my friends from high school is getting married next year. I'm starting to long for one of those old maid hats.
82. I have thighs that could trample japan.
83. I want to help people with my life but I have no idea how to accomplish this.
84. I have no real talents or skills or even accomplishments.
85. Although I did save my dad's life when I was little but that was incidental.
86. I rely heavily on tarot cards to make my decisions and foresee the future even though I don't really believe in them.
87. I don't think I've said anything in this list that I haven't diaried already.
88. I'm a hoarder, complete sentimentalist. From ticket stubs to pieces of ribbon, I throw nothing away.
89. My space is usually a mess.
90. I've been promising myself next year will be different but I have no idea how to make it so.
91. I hate that I have no real passion in life and I feel small compared to those who do.
92. You know, I'm pretty pathetic.
93. In our ongoing game of "How sad are we?" (circa 1998) I currently hold the title of "Queen of the losers" via the sheer patheticity of some of my actions.
94. I wouldn't trade my friends for anything.
95. I have been known to dance like a crazy woman.
96. I haven't travelled much but I hope to once university is permanently over.
97. Although I'm no good at saving money, as proven by the 84 cents in my bank account.
98. I can't play any instruments or sing to save my life but I adore music.
99. I'm interested in fashion also; I love the colours and cuts and textures but when it comes to sewing I am more likely to end up sewing my hands together.
100. My worst fear is of being alone in the world, I have some abandonment issues.
101. I don't mind the idea of dying as much as I should.
102. I don't see the point in philosophy. I don't like talking about living instead of living it.
103. I am a hypocrite in that and other respects.
104. I live a 15 minute walk away from a beach but I haven't gone swimming for years.
105. I touch my hair when I'm self-conscious.
106. I unconsciously twitch my right leg when I'm bored or impatient to the annoyance of those around me.
107. When we graduated from high school, we stood outside the church and screamed like banshees.
108. I've always been shy, I was never Miss Popularity.
109. Sometimes I make things up in my head and don't even realise I'm saying little pieces of dialogue aloud until I've said them.
110. I am known for babbling to the point of complete incoherency.
111. I suspect this is why my friends call me Babs.
111 random me-related notions.
1. Supposedly, most people do not dream in colour. But I do.
2. Last night I spent my entire dream running away from Santa who had gone mad for some reason. Except towards the end we were both tired so we stopped to have some ribena.
3. My only sibling is a brother, and he is 21 years older than me.
4. I was either a big accident or adopted. I hope it was adopted.
5. Relationship with brother is pretty much non-existant, and when people ask me I almost forget about him completely and say I am an only child.
6. When I was 6, I thought I was going to marry him because he was the only guy I knew at the time.
7. He's married now and I am an aunt, which is good as I love children.
8. I want to have 2-5 children of my own, but I fear I never will as me turning into hairless cat-lady is far more conceiveable.
9. I live with my parents, and am afraid I'll never move out because they are old/sick, and I am a dutiful daughter.
10. I'm not sure I will ever live a life I am happy to call my own. Scarier still, I don't think I'll ever try to.
11. I'm no good with pets. My rabbits ran away, my ducks flew away, and my fish committed fish-acide.
12. I watched "extreme makeover" the other night, and couldn't understand the people going through surgery to change themselves.
13. I hate 95% of my body but wouldn't change it, it's still me.
14. I've been trying to exercise and eat healthily though ... I'm doing well if you can count lying in the sun as exercise and cold pizza for breakfast as healthy.
15. I like cooking and am slowly getting better at it. The process is fun but I love watching people try the product, seeing their faces light up with surprise when it doesn't taste as bad as they thought. Okay, it's more of a slow gradual improvement, but still.
16. I am torn between eating what I want and trying to look like the airbrushed models.
17. In 2001 I starved myself for a year, eating minimal amounts of tasteless food.
18. My body was dizzy and weak most of the time, but I had never felt so strong.
19. After that cake won me back over from the dark side. I'm glad but at the same time I miss it.
20. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I look.
21. I think about other things too, but I don't like thinking about my life because there is an extreme sense of helplessness going on.
22. I have nominated 2003 as my worst year ever.
23. I hate feeling like a 6 year old half the time, and a 46 year old the other half of the time. I am actually 19, damnit.
24. My mother still tries to tell me when to go to bed and brush my teeth and how to run my life.
25. Ironically, I actually run her life as she loses her memory a bit every day. She can no longer recognise denominations of money, read, tell the time, or sign her name.
26. Thus people who tell me things are going to be okay really piss me off.
27. No one in my extended family knows she is ill.
28. Only my brother and father and me know. My brother is good for nothing except occasionally bringing cake. My father helps a bit but he also complains a lot.
29. This morning he was whining at my mother for not making him any food so I made him an omelette.
30. To an outsider it might seem like he uses me more than he should. But considering how hard he works, and that the only reason he hasn't retired yet is so he can pay my uni fees, I cut him an appropriate amount of slack.
31. I've seen a counsellor 3 times this year. It doesn't really help me because for the most part I can't get him to understand, but I feel good for going because it's my token effort.
32. I don't want to be in uni anymore because I know I am going nowhere, but I can't be bothered to admit that to anyone.
33. Sometimes I wish that I could fall into a coma for long enough to make me feel better.
34. But as long as I'm not pms-ing I don't usually feel so bad.
35. After all, I'm young, healthy, sun shiney and birds singy...
36. I'm only on number 36 and I already feel out of things to say.
37. I've never seen a dead body in person.
38. I once accidentally saw a dead body in a photo.
39. Croatians are weird; they are the only people I know who take photos at funerals.
40. I speak a basic amount of Croatian, but I speak it like a 65yr old male since I learned it off my father and thus conjugate most of my verbs wrong.
41. Before I did grammar in linguistics this year I always had to remind myself that a verb was a 'doing' word.
42. Psychology and linguistics are my majors at uni, but I'm better at linguistics.
43. When I was in high school, they used to call me the english queen because of my stupid ability to do little work for good marks.
44. I hated that.
45. I hated highschool too.
46. Even though I should have grown up by now, the last 3 times I visited high school or high school related events I have cried uncontrollably.
47. When I saw the Iraqi-Australians dancing for joy at the capture of Saddam I shed a single tear.
48. However generally I cry at less poignant moments, nescafe ads, reese witherspoon movies, that moment in babe where the crowd is stunned by babe directing sheep.
49. When I was younger I cried whenever I got yelled at.
50. I get yelled at by my father when he's trying to teach me how to drive.
51. Last time it was because I had my eyes on the speedometer and I started to veer off the road. While I was doing 70kms/hr. In a 60 zone.
52. I think it would be better for pedestrians and motorists everywhere if I was never given a license.
53. I don't like phones but when I am alone at uni I am obsessed with smsing people.
54. I always screen my calls because of the time I was "stalked".
55. "Stalked" because though it was damn scary at the time, when your stalker is an overweight old czechoslovakian woman, you can't deny the comic element.
56. My life long goal is to become a lap-dancing nun who solves crime. Or to star in a movie where I am a lap-dancing nun who solves crime at least.
57. In the movie I would not be nakee.
58. I'd like to make movies, but I have no idea how, plus most of my stories are just appropriated pieces of other stories.
59. I can be clever but am ultimately unoriginal.
60. The temperature has reached 32 degrees celsius in this room.
61. I worry about global warming, globalisation, and things involving the globe in general, because people in general are making such a mess of it.
62. My favourite colour is silver because it's just a shiney gray... and I don't believe in black and white.
63. If I could do anything, I probably wouldn't do anything.
64. Limitations used to be my motivation.
65. But now I am plagued by apathy so I generally lack motivation entirely.
66. I wear my hair short now for the first time in about 15 years.
67. It also has an appropriate streak of platinum blonde in it, the rest of it is dark brown.
68. I want to get a tattoo and see how long it would take my parents to realise it wasn't a fake. I'd give them about 6 months, if I was careful.
69. I drink socially have never had a cigarette and wouldn't touch drugs even if you tried to pay me.
70. My life is too complicated for me to start throwing in factors with unknown results.
71. This is also the reason I don't use boys ... for long.
72. I don't take a lot of chances, I don't want to make things worse; even though I can't imagine how things could get worse I really don't want to find out.
73. I used to be a book worm but now I can't read anything more complicated than Mills&Boon.
74. I don't believe in love or even a god.
75. Even though there is a picture beside me of a sheep leering at baby jesus asleep on the hay.
76. I was raised a catholic but all I know is that things will often happen regardless of your actions and now is likely to be all there is.
77. I'm not really an optimistic person but I'll pretend sometimes just to get by.
78. I love taking off in planes. There's nothing like that feeling of leaving the ground behind.
79. I am a consumer, possessions vindicate me, and I both hate and love that.
80. I focus on the negatives but I treasure the positives.
81. One of my friends from high school is getting married next year. I'm starting to long for one of those old maid hats.
82. I have thighs that could trample japan.
83. I want to help people with my life but I have no idea how to accomplish this.
84. I have no real talents or skills or even accomplishments.
85. Although I did save my dad's life when I was little but that was incidental.
86. I rely heavily on tarot cards to make my decisions and foresee the future even though I don't really believe in them.
87. I don't think I've said anything in this list that I haven't diaried already.
88. I'm a hoarder, complete sentimentalist. From ticket stubs to pieces of ribbon, I throw nothing away.
89. My space is usually a mess.
90. I've been promising myself next year will be different but I have no idea how to make it so.
91. I hate that I have no real passion in life and I feel small compared to those who do.
92. You know, I'm pretty pathetic.
93. In our ongoing game of "How sad are we?" (circa 1998) I currently hold the title of "Queen of the losers" via the sheer patheticity of some of my actions.
94. I wouldn't trade my friends for anything.
95. I have been known to dance like a crazy woman.
96. I haven't travelled much but I hope to once university is permanently over.
97. Although I'm no good at saving money, as proven by the 84 cents in my bank account.
98. I can't play any instruments or sing to save my life but I adore music.
99. I'm interested in fashion also; I love the colours and cuts and textures but when it comes to sewing I am more likely to end up sewing my hands together.
100. My worst fear is of being alone in the world, I have some abandonment issues.
101. I don't mind the idea of dying as much as I should.
102. I don't see the point in philosophy. I don't like talking about living instead of living it.
103. I am a hypocrite in that and other respects.
104. I live a 15 minute walk away from a beach but I haven't gone swimming for years.
105. I touch my hair when I'm self-conscious.
106. I unconsciously twitch my right leg when I'm bored or impatient to the annoyance of those around me.
107. When we graduated from high school, we stood outside the church and screamed like banshees.
108. I've always been shy, I was never Miss Popularity.
109. Sometimes I make things up in my head and don't even realise I'm saying little pieces of dialogue aloud until I've said them.
110. I am known for babbling to the point of complete incoherency.
111. I suspect this is why my friends call me Babs.
