spent too long second guessing what's right and what's wrong and what's right
2003-07-03 - 9:14 p.m.

I think I'm in love with Crispin Glover.

A strange enough statement, made even weirder by the fact that this was after seeing Charlie's Angels 2.

He dies by the way.

... now I'm just exploiting the fact that I know there is no one here but me.

Anyway, there he is being a complete freak, but this time fighting on the side of "right" and "good", kicking the bad guy's ass, kissing the girl...

Next second, a sword through the chest and a fall off the building and you know it's over.

And for no apparent real reason I'm taking that incredibly personally. Him being a freak, me placeable in the freak category. Him doing something right and me, well, kind of trying to. Although not involving a cool fight scene, regrettably.

He kisses the dream girl and tries to speak ... ascend to normalcy ... and just because that's how the plot twists the cost for all this is death.

And it's okay, not great, but okay, no one really minds. He was creepy and thin and had a weird hair obsession and he'd been "evil" in the past and so no big loss ... except for him.

But I mind. Because if he couldn't get to normalcy from where he was (...or at least the kind of normalcy you get in movies, which is no kind at all, but still...) then there is no reason I can get to it from here, no reason at all.

And that little piece of uncalled for empathy is completely suffocating.

Normally I'd be pining the death of the ever so cute, ever so evil, ever so irish bad guy.

Normally I'd be too busy giggling at the outrageous plot/stunts/lines to even blink.

Normally I wouldn't be acting like a wet dishrag towards friends and having to wonder if and when I'll be discarded.

So much lack of all normally, I don't know if I'll ever get it back and hence the perspective-twisting perilously desperate craving.

I'm kind of hoping that there's a third movie and that he somehow survived the sword through the chest and hitting pavement from a great height. Afterall, it did seem like he died twice in the first movie.

But no one could survive that kind of fall... or at least I couldn't.



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