I feel so far from where I've been
2004-11-21 - 4:35 p.m.

There's just enough time between my exams to sit back here and feel hollowed out.

Do you know that episode of the Simpsons, where the toxic gas thing flips their internal organs outside their bodies? I feel like that's happened to me and I've now been told to flip it all back inside again.

But it's too much effort, so I just end up going, well, who really needs a liver or intestines or a heart? Maybe I can just leave them out, flip the skin around, and do a good impersonation of alive.

Maybe I could put the organs in jars, like the Egyptians did. What were they called? I forget. Shelley would know probably.

Maybe it's just a case of anhedonia. But I don't know. I woke up today in the life I know so well, and I can't feel anything.

You know sometimes people with third degree burns can't feel them. They walk around all painfree and then collapse into a coma the next day.

I don't know why that came to mind.

I think I'm just a bit tabula rasa-d. And it's funny thinking of how much I used to wish for this, and how much I'm completely loathing it now.

I'd rather feel everything, every searing piece of flesh, than nothing at all.

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