Closure - does it exist? Should I be trying to get some? Is it too late now and are things just closed by default? In an effort to not have to think about such questions, here are some letters (or short notes rather) that I'd never send (but god I'd like to).

Dear HighSchool,

You know, you kind of ruined me. Okay, maybe I'm stronger for it, but given the chance (and a sledgehammer) I would still pull you apart, brick by brick.

- Student 8320... oh... like you'd remember me anyway.

Dear Stalker-by-proxy,

You were never told this, but not only did your mother approach my parents trying to convince them to convince me to date you, she also did such wonderful things as stalk me at work, put a picture of you on my fridge, and answer my phone and chat to my friends while pretending to be my aunt. I'VE NEVER EVEN MET YOU. You do know that you will never, ever, ever, ever have a girlfriend right?

NetBunny

Dear Loser,

You were never a friend and you were too self-obsessed to even realise. Good luck in your life, because being the person you are means you sure are gonna need it.

X.

Dear SG,

Sorry I've been a complete weirdo to you the past two years, I think I've been getting better, and soon your pedestal will be short enough for you to step down and either walk away from or into my life. And if it's away, that's okay, but I'll be sorry that we were never friends.

From That Girl.

Dear Puppy,

Sorry I dumped you ... oh wait no I'm not! I realised quite early on that I was going through a rough stage in my life, and if a PLANT had offered me affection I would have taken it. But it's okay because you're delusional and a loser to boot. Hope that works out for you ... not.

Signed, another ex-love-of-your-life.

Dear Latest Piece of Work I'm Procrastinating on,

I'm sorry I let everything come before you. I care but obviously not enough... don't you think it's time you started seeing other students?

Love, Hopeless Student.

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