2002-10-14 - 9:39 p.m.
Today I went to uni on no sleep, there's nothing quite like trying to stay awake while your lecturer is speaking in a monotone voice on the subject of sea snails.
Deep down I am a big ol' masochist at heart, I just know it.
At one point as my head was falling forward and it felt like my brain was dizzy I for a second seriously believed my head had rolled off.
Needless to say I came home and crashed. Although I thought I would "just close my eyes before passions" when I woke up again I was befuddled by a sudden change... "hey, when did it get dark?"
I am still pretty tuckered out. So instead of an actual gibberish entry like normal (I don't even think I have a "gah?" in me at the moment), I will instead type out for you an article very appropriate to me that someone thoughtfully sent me. So here we are ... I'll see you when I next regain consciousness.
BOOM CRUSH OPERA
draztik downloads on the art of crushing
Let's get it out there kids. Crushes are the ultimate in human relationships. They've long been dissed by those happy couple types who have action on tap and love to burn, but the sane elements of society know that crushes shit all over actual relationships. I could cite any number of reasons: they're easy and fun to make and do, you don't have to suffer all of that emotional interaction crap, you don't have to endure the other half's shit boring friends...
So we should crush, yes?
That said, we should all learn to do it with a little flair. Word up...
BOOM: THE CHOICE
Some think that a crush chooses you, attraction is unstoppable, blah blah koom-bai-blah. They're wrong and I hope they're reading this.
Good sustainable crushes fulfil the follwing criteria:
Attractiveness of some description. A seeming contradiction, I know, but it is needed in some form.
Warning: Don't be sucked in by devastating good looks alone. Remember, it's highly unlikely that you will ever get to touch the person, so you might as well give yourself something more to focus your white picket fence and black satin sheet fantasies around. I believe it's best to find some quirky point of attraction, in an effort to make the crush yours and your alone. I find strong political beliefs, a love for as yet not translated literature, or an understanding of the merits of papier mache work for me.
They're in a relationship. This helps alleviate those icky feelings of out and out rejection. There are several useful amendments to this point:
- It's a crap relationship, at least some of the time. This adds credibility to your constant claims of attainability.
- The crush's attachment is inferior to you, at least in the eyes of your friends. This gives you reason to wax lyrical about how good you would be for the crush.
- The crush has a possessive other half. This creates a bit of distance between you and the crush, which inevitably makes you appear more attractive than you actually are.
They're outside your immediate circle of friends. That said, don't make them too distant. You need regular, brief contact visits where you can soak up the veritable atmos of the crush, but under no circumstance do you want the kind of relationship where you are privy to details about how good the crush's attachment is in bed.
CRUSH: THE PROCESS
So you've picked a suitable candidate. Now what? It's good to have a plan of attack, but you must be careful not to move too quickly through the following phases. Good crushing is all about taking the time to develop a nice healthy obsession.
The Wordless Phase - The sign of a good, wholesome crush is verbal paralysis whenever the crush is within 50km radius. Don't fight it, or you might end up hyperventilating. Instead learn to communicate through a complex series of gestures.
The Wordtastic Phase - Don't get me wrong, it's not like you're ever going to be able to talk to the crush, but I'll be buggered if you can't talk, write and compose about the crush. Pick a few friends who don't mind you talking exclusively about the crush, and go nuts.. As far as creative expression goes, most would tell you poetry is the only medium. I'm all for the poetry of others, but personally I prefer rap. You can adapt the following example, inspired by my current crush, to your favoured medium.
You wear clothes
I dig those
Wish you were mine
Instead I pine
Ditch your bitch - word
I'm way cooler - word
The Signariffic Phase - You are sure to start noticing the universe giving you signs that you and the crush are destined to be together. There will inevitable be a plethora of examples, but here are some common ones:
- You discover mutual friends (the guy who makes sandwichs in wentworth) and mutual interests (like breathing).
- You look best on the days that you see the crush. Sure, you may bed dressing to your crush days, but there must be some kind of divine intervention going on.
- You both attend (insert class here). Sure it may be where you met, but you've both stuck out a whole semester...
The Mobilisation Phase - Get your people out, get them wearing your T-shirt, get them talking you up. Make your presence felt in crush's world. Learn social skills. They might come in handy in the other areas of your life as well. Above all, look animated (or at least alive) and look like you'd be entertaining in pre and post action conversation. Feel the fear of the crush and do it anyway.
The Optional Extra - The Stalking Phase - This one's for the risk-taker (Or, if you're like me, the one who thinks they're in love). It can be done well (read subtly) and requires only a few timetable changes a semester, which the friendly folk at the Student Centre can help you out with. Be careful not to step into that scary, criminal category of stalkers however. It's not cool to procure a key from your crush's flatmates. Nor is it cool, according to my (prudish) friends anyhow, to spend 4 hours at Manning hoping to catch some crush time.
OPERA: THE REALISATION
Few get here. Lord knows I haven't, and probably never will with my present crush. The word on the street is that the realisation can be good, with all that love, or at least that long anticipated bit of action. there is a very real risk though that the crush just won't satisfy, in conversation or in those more physical matters. I realise this isn't a particularly compelling reason to soften the crush (it sure ain't stopping me), but it should be raised.
Final Note - If you go public, that is to your friends, with a description of the object of your affection, be ready to weather the inevitable criticism of your taste (on this very point - an accusation of blandness is not a reason to change crushes, particularly when the accusation comes from one getting little to no more action then you are). If you think the crush is worthy of attention, they probably are. Be loud, be proud and crush well. Over and out.
Deep down I am a big ol' masochist at heart, I just know it.
At one point as my head was falling forward and it felt like my brain was dizzy I for a second seriously believed my head had rolled off.
Needless to say I came home and crashed. Although I thought I would "just close my eyes before passions" when I woke up again I was befuddled by a sudden change... "hey, when did it get dark?"
I am still pretty tuckered out. So instead of an actual gibberish entry like normal (I don't even think I have a "gah?" in me at the moment), I will instead type out for you an article very appropriate to me that someone thoughtfully sent me. So here we are ... I'll see you when I next regain consciousness.
draztik downloads on the art of crushing
Let's get it out there kids. Crushes are the ultimate in human relationships. They've long been dissed by those happy couple types who have action on tap and love to burn, but the sane elements of society know that crushes shit all over actual relationships. I could cite any number of reasons: they're easy and fun to make and do, you don't have to suffer all of that emotional interaction crap, you don't have to endure the other half's shit boring friends...
So we should crush, yes?
That said, we should all learn to do it with a little flair. Word up...
BOOM: THE CHOICE
Some think that a crush chooses you, attraction is unstoppable, blah blah koom-bai-blah. They're wrong and I hope they're reading this.
Good sustainable crushes fulfil the follwing criteria:
Attractiveness of some description. A seeming contradiction, I know, but it is needed in some form.
Warning: Don't be sucked in by devastating good looks alone. Remember, it's highly unlikely that you will ever get to touch the person, so you might as well give yourself something more to focus your white picket fence and black satin sheet fantasies around. I believe it's best to find some quirky point of attraction, in an effort to make the crush yours and your alone. I find strong political beliefs, a love for as yet not translated literature, or an understanding of the merits of papier mache work for me.
They're in a relationship. This helps alleviate those icky feelings of out and out rejection. There are several useful amendments to this point:
- It's a crap relationship, at least some of the time. This adds credibility to your constant claims of attainability.
- The crush's attachment is inferior to you, at least in the eyes of your friends. This gives you reason to wax lyrical about how good you would be for the crush.
- The crush has a possessive other half. This creates a bit of distance between you and the crush, which inevitably makes you appear more attractive than you actually are.
They're outside your immediate circle of friends. That said, don't make them too distant. You need regular, brief contact visits where you can soak up the veritable atmos of the crush, but under no circumstance do you want the kind of relationship where you are privy to details about how good the crush's attachment is in bed.
CRUSH: THE PROCESS
So you've picked a suitable candidate. Now what? It's good to have a plan of attack, but you must be careful not to move too quickly through the following phases. Good crushing is all about taking the time to develop a nice healthy obsession.
The Wordless Phase - The sign of a good, wholesome crush is verbal paralysis whenever the crush is within 50km radius. Don't fight it, or you might end up hyperventilating. Instead learn to communicate through a complex series of gestures.
The Wordtastic Phase - Don't get me wrong, it's not like you're ever going to be able to talk to the crush, but I'll be buggered if you can't talk, write and compose about the crush. Pick a few friends who don't mind you talking exclusively about the crush, and go nuts.. As far as creative expression goes, most would tell you poetry is the only medium. I'm all for the poetry of others, but personally I prefer rap. You can adapt the following example, inspired by my current crush, to your favoured medium.
I dig those
Wish you were mine
Instead I pine
Ditch your bitch - word
I'm way cooler - word
The Signariffic Phase - You are sure to start noticing the universe giving you signs that you and the crush are destined to be together. There will inevitable be a plethora of examples, but here are some common ones:
- You discover mutual friends (the guy who makes sandwichs in wentworth) and mutual interests (like breathing).
- You look best on the days that you see the crush. Sure, you may bed dressing to your crush days, but there must be some kind of divine intervention going on.
- You both attend (insert class here). Sure it may be where you met, but you've both stuck out a whole semester...
The Mobilisation Phase - Get your people out, get them wearing your T-shirt, get them talking you up. Make your presence felt in crush's world. Learn social skills. They might come in handy in the other areas of your life as well. Above all, look animated (or at least alive) and look like you'd be entertaining in pre and post action conversation. Feel the fear of the crush and do it anyway.
The Optional Extra - The Stalking Phase - This one's for the risk-taker (Or, if you're like me, the one who thinks they're in love). It can be done well (read subtly) and requires only a few timetable changes a semester, which the friendly folk at the Student Centre can help you out with. Be careful not to step into that scary, criminal category of stalkers however. It's not cool to procure a key from your crush's flatmates. Nor is it cool, according to my (prudish) friends anyhow, to spend 4 hours at Manning hoping to catch some crush time.
OPERA: THE REALISATION
Few get here. Lord knows I haven't, and probably never will with my present crush. The word on the street is that the realisation can be good, with all that love, or at least that long anticipated bit of action. there is a very real risk though that the crush just won't satisfy, in conversation or in those more physical matters. I realise this isn't a particularly compelling reason to soften the crush (it sure ain't stopping me), but it should be raised.
Final Note - If you go public, that is to your friends, with a description of the object of your affection, be ready to weather the inevitable criticism of your taste (on this very point - an accusation of blandness is not a reason to change crushes, particularly when the accusation comes from one getting little to no more action then you are). If you think the crush is worthy of attention, they probably are. Be loud, be proud and crush well. Over and out.
