2003-05-30 - 8:59 p.m.
Someone's volunteering to send me porn on ICQ. Now I remember why I stopped using ICQ.
I've been net dead for the past few days where I'd normally be net bunny.
I think I might be falling apart just really, really, really subtly.
Tooth related pain is still ongoing and messing me up some. Cartoon tying string to it to a door situation sure to happen any day now.
I know normal people would be annoyed by the pain but just go on but I'm not, I can't. I'm taking it lying down... literally and consequentially metaphorically.
Trudge into uni somehow, sit around uni trying not to be cold, trudge out of uni to home, lie under blanket til I fall asleep and wake up when it's darker, quieter, but there's still nothing nothing nothing.
Watching it all fall past me. I keep snapping at parentals. There's too much weighing on me for me to handle or even process. So I do nothing nothing nothing.
Usually I'd go through the motions but even that's slipping. Is a day coming when I'm just not going to get up? Maybe. But I can't.
Some kind of semi-awake coma happening. Where did I go? Am I vacationing on a tropical island paradise somewhere? Will I bring me back something? Am I even coming back?
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
It's funny, I always thought falling apart would be a lot more dramatic then this. Maybe I'm not though. Feels more like I'm ebbing away.
Or maybe this is just what happens when for physical reasons I am deprived of comfort food.
I'm still here, I'm still here, I'm still here. A semi-distant relative remembered my birthday and left a message for me on our answering machine, wishing me all the best health-wise, uni-wise, and she hoped I would find "a good croatian boy!" and I laughed and it was me and I was okay but...
I'm slipping is all.
The only way is up from here. Or else just further down.
Stupid inability to remain cheerful.
I've been net dead for the past few days where I'd normally be net bunny.
I think I might be falling apart just really, really, really subtly.
Tooth related pain is still ongoing and messing me up some. Cartoon tying string to it to a door situation sure to happen any day now.
I know normal people would be annoyed by the pain but just go on but I'm not, I can't. I'm taking it lying down... literally and consequentially metaphorically.
Trudge into uni somehow, sit around uni trying not to be cold, trudge out of uni to home, lie under blanket til I fall asleep and wake up when it's darker, quieter, but there's still nothing nothing nothing.
Watching it all fall past me. I keep snapping at parentals. There's too much weighing on me for me to handle or even process. So I do nothing nothing nothing.
Usually I'd go through the motions but even that's slipping. Is a day coming when I'm just not going to get up? Maybe. But I can't.
Some kind of semi-awake coma happening. Where did I go? Am I vacationing on a tropical island paradise somewhere? Will I bring me back something? Am I even coming back?
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
It's funny, I always thought falling apart would be a lot more dramatic then this. Maybe I'm not though. Feels more like I'm ebbing away.
Or maybe this is just what happens when for physical reasons I am deprived of comfort food.
I'm still here, I'm still here, I'm still here. A semi-distant relative remembered my birthday and left a message for me on our answering machine, wishing me all the best health-wise, uni-wise, and she hoped I would find "a good croatian boy!" and I laughed and it was me and I was okay but...
I'm slipping is all.
The only way is up from here. Or else just further down.
Stupid inability to remain cheerful.
