Firstly, to any UNSW students who might be reading, did you know that our grades for this semester are being emailed to us next month, on Friday the 13th? The 13th?! Like I needed more of a dooming sign. Secondly, I'm having a mopefest day and would rather you weren't here. Honestly, you will be more entertained/intrigued by examining the calorie content of foods you are consuming than this entry, so if you have that option or anything like it available I strongly recommend you pursue it...

But for the deprived...

I've been reading my old diary entries compulsively in the same way I read the diaries of others... trying to glean some insight into their psyche... but it's not working.

I re-read the words as if they are not mine and I think, wow this girl is a freak, and although I know I am a freak by default (soon freaks will be considered normals, you know it) somehow it's different.

I had my psych exam this morning.

At one point when I was nearly done I saw SmartGuy leave and I had to fight the urge to choose the last few multiple choice answers at random, quietly rush up to the front and hand my paper in, and follow him out.

Didn't. But... mmm.

I keep telling myself next year will be different. Except that I have no idea or even the motivation to institute such difference.

I'm still stuck.

I walked by the counsellor's office today despite it being majorly out of my way. Kind of a "Yeup, yeup it's still there," thing maybe.

I see the doors and think about how if I did actually manage to get in there I wouldn't know what to say, how to start...

And then when I go over things in my head they don't come out at all, in fact I end up seeming like a normal person who is just too pathetic to cope.

Yes... knocking myself down is probably not the best way of trying to get myself up again, but...

I still have soca failure staring me grimly in the face. I'm not sure how to deal with it. One of the actual course lecturers emailed me earlier in the week.

Cringey in itself.

He was saying blah blah special circumstances, blah blah we need to talk stuff.

Unfortunately I'm pretty sure losing my mind due to internal factors only does not a special circumstance make. And I don't know how to respond, because I do feel guiltily about... yeah.

So to recap, Babs the pure is long dead (may she rest in peace) and monster Babs has lost interest in making a complex mess out of things and wandered off, leaving...

Leaving...

I don't know who yet.

Someone who is not particularly tolerant of whining in others and will generally try to end the whinging by pointing out an annoyingly logical conclusion. And yet someone who never actually stops whining herself, pausing only to turn the volume of the whines up or down.

All rise, the court of Babs the hypocrite is in session...

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