Nearly finished the assignment, except it is in major need of polishing and one of those end defining points that says "Hey, I get it," to the marker which will only take me a few hours.

Only. Because I'm overly consistent and my work lacks polish and knowing what's going on because I lack polish and knowing what's going on.

I feel very happy with it (and I guess theoretically consequently myself) because it is almost what was asked for. It's an attempt at least. Almost sufficient! Hah hah, so close yet so far...

In the past whatever amount of hours it has been that I've been slaving over uni-ness, I had the next in my seriously obvious series of self-realisations.

Closure: I want it, but when I have it, I want to give it back, because when it comes down to it I'm all for openness. I'm no good at moving on and unlike the song I regret everything because of my need to internalise everything, I simultaneously regret making too many mistakes and not making enough.

And I especially want things reopened when other people move on, because it doesn't feel fair, that they can move on while I have to stay, so I spitefully want to drag them back here with me just so neither of us can go anywhere.

But, I don't. I know it would be just like opening several cans of worms rather than just the one (...or two). How does that song go? Think I'll go eat some worms... Don't know what I'm saying... too much time in front of this box dilutes the very little that's left of my mind.

Because the stuff that's right of it has frozen over. I so need to turn the heater on.

I keep adding to this entry after I've clicked done but I can't help it, did I tell you my counsellor has the same name as Maths Guy (boy whose mother stalked me, at other point in my life acted as my shrink)? That's scary and wrong, too much of my personal life is known by guys called Martin.

But I know there are worse names to be doing the knowing, almost unbelieveably... Moral, moral, be a better girl, friend, and daughter. If there's energy leftover, student too. And work on the mental connections.

No relationship should start or will last with out them.

Grey darlin' gray... silver is my favourite colour because it's just a shiny grey, and I don't believe in black or white, all I see is gray, the kind so reflective it distorts perception and burns my eyes beautifully.

Perception, most interpretations are equally valid. Unless they're flawed they're equal, and even then... That's all I believe.

But as I'm sure I've said before, you can't spell believe without a lie...

Another wisdom tooth is coming through but I really doubt it having any relation with this... I have to define and polish now.

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