2003-05-09 - 11:16 a.m.
I lack a class so here I am. Funny, I could have sworn I had one now, damn that.
But I'll live, theoretically, unless that dying of boredom thing finally pans out.
If so anyone reading is invited to my funeral. I want presents balloons and cake.
This from someone who would prefer to spend her birthday dressed in mournful black with a grim expression on her face.
So I'm a little messed up. And you aren't?
I will be nineteen years old in nineteen days. I'm hoping nineteen sucks less than eighteen but I have the feeling I'm going to be disappointed on that score unless life hands me the things I've been wanting on a silver platter.
Come on life, don't you think you owe me already? Don't answer if you think the answer is no and you plan on exhibiting it's extreme no-ness by dumping some other crap on me.
Walking into to uni, dressed too warmly because we live on a little hill so it's always windy and colder than the actual temperature.
I'm wearing three pieces of gold jewellery, which is weird considering my distinct dislike of gold. But today is different, I have to wear the gold hoop earrings while they're a few months out of fashion because I find it amusing to ride on the back of trends.
And then there is an ID bracelet with my name scrawled on it and on the same hand a ring with a 'C' on it for my confirmation name, and my last name.
Just so I don't forget who I am. No amnesia for me, no sir.
But this isn't where I meant to go. Walking down here I was thinking about seeing students and teachers from highschool, I was thinking someone should organise a reunion for all the 3 unit classes in about 3 years.
But then I couldn't imagine seeing people again. Really couldn't imagine answering the dreaded "How are you? What's new?" question. I mean, what would my answer be?
"High school was practically nothing to how screwed up my life is now. My mother's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and I am her primary carer with almost no support from immediate family and absolutely none from extended family; oh and my academic career is hanging perilously on a ledge as we speak,"
"I'm in like with a boy at uni, only I can't speak to him and have instead participated in borderline stalking activities. He's smart and adorable and he likes all the classes I like only he's skinnier than me but his voice is all deep and woo... can I keep going?"
No ... of course not.
"I'm ... okay," will always be the answer because the rest of it I say in the ellipses.
But I'll live, theoretically, unless that dying of boredom thing finally pans out.
If so anyone reading is invited to my funeral. I want presents balloons and cake.
This from someone who would prefer to spend her birthday dressed in mournful black with a grim expression on her face.
So I'm a little messed up. And you aren't?
I will be nineteen years old in nineteen days. I'm hoping nineteen sucks less than eighteen but I have the feeling I'm going to be disappointed on that score unless life hands me the things I've been wanting on a silver platter.
Come on life, don't you think you owe me already? Don't answer if you think the answer is no and you plan on exhibiting it's extreme no-ness by dumping some other crap on me.
Walking into to uni, dressed too warmly because we live on a little hill so it's always windy and colder than the actual temperature.
I'm wearing three pieces of gold jewellery, which is weird considering my distinct dislike of gold. But today is different, I have to wear the gold hoop earrings while they're a few months out of fashion because I find it amusing to ride on the back of trends.
And then there is an ID bracelet with my name scrawled on it and on the same hand a ring with a 'C' on it for my confirmation name, and my last name.
Just so I don't forget who I am. No amnesia for me, no sir.
But this isn't where I meant to go. Walking down here I was thinking about seeing students and teachers from highschool, I was thinking someone should organise a reunion for all the 3 unit classes in about 3 years.
But then I couldn't imagine seeing people again. Really couldn't imagine answering the dreaded "How are you? What's new?" question. I mean, what would my answer be?
"High school was practically nothing to how screwed up my life is now. My mother's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and I am her primary carer with almost no support from immediate family and absolutely none from extended family; oh and my academic career is hanging perilously on a ledge as we speak,"
"I'm in like with a boy at uni, only I can't speak to him and have instead participated in borderline stalking activities. He's smart and adorable and he likes all the classes I like only he's skinnier than me but his voice is all deep and woo... can I keep going?"
No ... of course not.
"I'm ... okay," will always be the answer because the rest of it I say in the ellipses.
