you know this feeling that keeps you by the window
2003-03-22 - 8:39 p.m.

I voted today in the state election for the first time ever, I always thought that would have been more of a landmark into adulthood or something, but no, it was just a molehill.

Not even.

Blanking blank blank. You can't start with a pause, and I can tell you honestly that you can't live on one either.

Today was spent window shopping. Product upon product upon accessory upon accessory upon generic clothing upon designer clothing, a veritable sea of things which I half think would make me feel better.

Okay, it's more like two-thirds.

I want peace and beautiful things and calm and security; I want crazy adorable people on every other corner; I want a lot of things really.

I want to not have to struggle, but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop no matter what the circumstance, I'm just too firmly entrenched in the habit.

I'm afraid the world is going to rip itself apart. I'm afraid I won't amount to anything. I'm afraid the person who gave me life will forget who I am.

Sometimes I think that if a stranger had faith in me, passed me by on the street and told me that I could do this, then maybe I could.

I don't trust myself.


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