by the time you read this, I'll be fast asleep and waking
2005-02-13 - 9:20 p.m.

Entries are impossible to write at the moment, nothing I come up with is worthy of this space...

Nup, I got nada. You know, I could delete this whole thing. This realisation just hit me and it's quite the temptation. I've been here for years, with the hundreds upon hundreds of entries to prove it, and with just the click of a few buttons...

Mmmmmmm, good bye history. Good bye high school scars! Good bye starvation diets! Good bye watching me writhe over one thing then another then another! And then back over each one again!

Okay, I probably wouldn't go through with it. I just want to ... tear it a little. Degrade it just a bit. Because you don't make me who I am - I do - and you aren't going to rule me anymore. I will transcend you, because none of your shit is worthy of my time. "The future is now," as they say.

That was a long, long, long time coming.

So, to living then. I have a serious amount of renovating to do. All my relationships, mindframes, ideas, hopes, and plans ... they need to be repaired or discarded. Now is the fun part of deciding which and who get what!

It's exciting, isn't it. I'm a hoarder, I've realised this has always been my problem... like at the beginning of year 12, when everyone was studying the 10-unit minimum or so, I was doing 13. 2 unit French! 4 unit English! 3 unit Maths! 3 unit History! And a compulsory unit of Religion! Whyyy? Because I couldn't decide what to drop.

My inability to make a decision generally translates into having too much on my plate, I think. Screw the potential consequences! Not making decisions have been my worse decision to date...

Uh-oh, I am getting all giddy and thrilled by mental activity! I am a nerd.

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