2003-09-17 - 1:36 a.m.
Hey, I don't remember opening this window... but since we're here... hello.
Still haven't finished essay 1. I somehow got very interested in solitaire all of a sudden. Or really, I just got very interested in doing anything but the essay.
Like daydreaming about shoes I might like to purchase.
And so on, and so forth.
I want to tell people to hit me with a frying pan if I ever try to do sociology again (although am actually liking this course, but work is a boring thing) but I think I am doomed to just choosing it over and over and over again no matter how badly I do.
What was that definition of insanity again? Repeating the same activity over and over and expecting a different result.
I'm too tired to be thinky. I feel like my brain has gone to bed but left me here. It's oddly quiet in my head.
I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy. I am emotionless. I lack spark. I used to be able to write, didn't I? I channelled the stupid angst into words and that was that.
I'm sitting here making faces at the screen. See? What am I without angst... nothing. It's rather offputting.
I think I have social anxiety disorder. I had to talk to a guy about a film in my tute tonight and I was okay after awhile but at first I turned bright red and all I could say was "yeah ... um ... yeah".
You know what I do love about uni? I'm not a big fish in a little pond anymore. It's little fish, big pond. Hell, I'm not even a fish; I'm like, krill or algae or something.
I am not a fish.
After all this time I still think high school's still got the better of me, I'm not sure what it took exactly but all I know is that something I went in with I didn't leave with.
Any ideas on how to get it back? Aside from going back to high school and trashing the place, oh, urges, urges...
Maybe it was identity. I had a stable identity when I went in and when I came out I was basically a brain-dead angst zombie.
Enough dwelling. In other news, my biological clock is still broken (tick-tick-TICK!!!), and throwing it all in to achieve my lifelong dream of becoming a lap-dancing, tap-dancing, agnostic nun who solves crime by night and is a homemaker/homewrecker by day (depending on which day you catch me on) is looking damn fine.
Still haven't finished essay 1. I somehow got very interested in solitaire all of a sudden. Or really, I just got very interested in doing anything but the essay.
Like daydreaming about shoes I might like to purchase.
And so on, and so forth.
I want to tell people to hit me with a frying pan if I ever try to do sociology again (although am actually liking this course, but work is a boring thing) but I think I am doomed to just choosing it over and over and over again no matter how badly I do.
What was that definition of insanity again? Repeating the same activity over and over and expecting a different result.
I'm too tired to be thinky. I feel like my brain has gone to bed but left me here. It's oddly quiet in my head.
I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy. I am emotionless. I lack spark. I used to be able to write, didn't I? I channelled the stupid angst into words and that was that.
I'm sitting here making faces at the screen. See? What am I without angst... nothing. It's rather offputting.
I think I have social anxiety disorder. I had to talk to a guy about a film in my tute tonight and I was okay after awhile but at first I turned bright red and all I could say was "yeah ... um ... yeah".
You know what I do love about uni? I'm not a big fish in a little pond anymore. It's little fish, big pond. Hell, I'm not even a fish; I'm like, krill or algae or something.
I am not a fish.
After all this time I still think high school's still got the better of me, I'm not sure what it took exactly but all I know is that something I went in with I didn't leave with.
Any ideas on how to get it back? Aside from going back to high school and trashing the place, oh, urges, urges...
Maybe it was identity. I had a stable identity when I went in and when I came out I was basically a brain-dead angst zombie.
Enough dwelling. In other news, my biological clock is still broken (tick-tick-TICK!!!), and throwing it all in to achieve my lifelong dream of becoming a lap-dancing, tap-dancing, agnostic nun who solves crime by night and is a homemaker/homewrecker by day (depending on which day you catch me on) is looking damn fine.
