Former-melty-hair-boy hasn't showed up for weeks. Smart Guy I certainly won't see again til uni restarts, if then even, and we all know TLS is long dead...

These people are my markers, I don't know where I am anymore.

Just managing to hold things together, although they aren't that bad, they could be worse but I'm not sure I could.

Give me an excuse to lose, it's all I'm good for, although I'm not even sure I need one anymore... let's just do it out of habit, eh?

I close my eyes and if I leave them that way long enough I can almost imagine being completely buried in sand, I'm not breathing, I'm just there...always knew that sand would get me in the end...

It's not a nightmare it's a dream really, give me enough time and I'll drown myself out just enough to get me by for another few handfuls of days but this time even though there's more time than ever there isn't enough time.

Or maybe the problem is space.

I don't know what's brought on this teen angsty attack, I'm pretty sure that even as I write this there's a cynic in my head screaming at me for the shite that this is I am is here.

Well that's obviously the problem, me and myself only have two types of relations - talking myself down and talking myself further down. And don't even get started on I...

I tried to talk myself up once but it only made me nauseous. I know some psych guy would say, blah blah, negative thinking patterns, blah blah, therapy would be effective in reshaping these thoughts, but I think, I think I am not worthy of reshaping and I don't see any reason for me not to suffer for no reason when considering who what I am.

But then, this entry is easily attributed to dehydration, a long day, and a sudden speedily growing tolerance for retail therapy.

So, it's probably that. Don't you worry (although I don't actually think that anyone would, figure of speech, blah), another session of mindless tv viewing until the early morning hours starving myself until I am nine-tenths asleep will see me right as rain.

Whatever that means.

<< >>