merry happy crazy christmas
2004-12-26 - 1:37 a.m.

Christmas in my household:

SCENE - Christmas Eve, Watching Carols by Candlelight on TV.

FATHER (in English): Pffft, this woman is rubbish! She should get off the stage!

FATHER (continuing to ramble in English for the sake of hearing own voice): I like straight men!

ME: ... ... ... ... ... You- you- ... You WHAT?

FATHER (in native tongue): You know, like the guys before, they stand up tall and sing loudly.

ME: Uh .... yeeaah, I don't think that translated to English as well as we would have hoped.

SCENE - the evening of Christmas, nothing stirring in the house etc., because the old people are down for a long nap.

ME: Ooooh! There's a muppet movie on! You know, that kermit really speaks to me. Who am I talking to?

Later that night

MOTHER (confused after awaking from nap): What are ... what are you still doing up?

ME: It's only 8pm and it's still christmas day.

MOTHER: Yes. But when are you going to bed?

ME: It's only 8pm and it's still christmas day.

MOTHER - chooses to squint in disbelief and wander off.

Later that night

ME: Ooooh! A crappy british crime show is on! What a mahhvellous time to practice my snobby upper class british accent! Why hullooo dahhhling ... uhh ... isn't this a mahhvellous time to practice my british accent?

ME BRAIN: Don't look at me, your creativity went away and shacked up with some guy. I can make pointless sound effect noises though, how 'bout that!

ME: Oooh, cricket noises, thanks. God bless us, each and every one.

ME BRAIN: ... Who are you talking to?

And yeah so like some baby was born and there were donkeys and stuff and the people were like "whoa dude, like whoa no way" and to this day we choose to celebrate that whoa by killing trees and turkeys and decorating and stuffing them respectively, and also we go crazy with consumerism but it's okay because we all know about the real spirit of christmas from that wonderful medium, mass media.

Ahhh, I think that in a past life I was a bitter hippy with strong opinions. Thankfully not much of that, except the above pseudo-diatribe, has survived into this lifetime. I like money and buying stuff and tv is like the wise parent, entertaining uncle, and cherished firstborn I never had.

So I'm going to go spend time with those beloved family members, and hope that everyone is getting down with the spirit of festivity in whatever way appeals.

<< >>