confessions... I think I had the wrong door
2003-04-16 - 6:16 p.m.

I've been avoiding mentioning something directly and if you know me outside of here then you know what's been going on, but I feel like I should mention it now even though it's over, a bit for my diaryland sisters (hey, all people who list me as a favourite are girls, sisterhood, ya-ya!) and a bit for me so later I remember things clearly.

But it's hard, almost impossible to write about, because he reads this, so it makes me re-re-re-re-RE-read everything I try to say.

Yeah. He. Did that set off the alarm bells for anyone?

First thing to say on that score - remember when I was stalked and ended up in such a mess that I must have vowed a thousand times over no more internet boys again ever ever ever?

Well apparently I didn't learn as much from that as we would have thought. Not that I regret this, but still, I'm just saying.

In future no more allowing boys into my head before I let them in my life,it just defies the natural order of things.

So what do we know so far, there was a boy, and the internet, obviously. I met up with him a few days ago.

By a metal thingy... I'm not going into details, because I know some of my friends might be reading, and there are lines I have to draw because there are details they don't want to hear of.

Let's just say for a few hours I was a part of those happy gloaty couples I generally so badly want to kick.

And that was nice, so nice, but I can't go back to that for about ninety three different reasons, the more pressing of which have to do with me being confused and generally unfit for any kind of relationship.

Basically the door to the boyfriend club that I've been knocking on for aaages (which I had half thought was mythical) opened and I was ushered in, only to find myself trying to find the door out and my way back to nun-lyness.

But it's okay, I've made a decision (for once) and (for once) I think it's the right one.

I know, I know, can you even believe this is me writing? I can hardly, let's just pretend that some weird decisive non miserable non clingy girl broke in and wrote this entry.

And how are you my luuuurverlies?


<< >>