Today is mopetastic because I am aching over the fact that yesterday was last day checkoutchicking... and I feel depressed to the point of not-eating, which is kind of scary considering I am binge-comfort-eating girl.

But I just can't bring myself to do, anything. I know as soon as I get going with things I'll hardly even notice I'm not there anymore, just like everyone else. But for now I just can't let it go, and I don't know how much of that is sadness about farewelling a steady paycheck and a locker... or sadness over the sincere farewells I recieved... or sadness over the many people I didn't even mention my leaving to, who I didn't say goodbye to... or sadness over my other regrets... or sadness over my leaving something I actually knew how to do... or is it just sadness that I'm leaving a boy that I liked behind and he didn't even know it.

It's a bit of all of them. And something more... for the first time in my life I wasn't a complete outsider.

It almost felt like I belonged.

And despite my like/dislike relationship with the job I can't now for the life of me rationalise my trading it in.

So I'm just lost again again again. In mourning but without a morning... It's sunny outside but it won't be in here for no one knows how long.

Can't speak, can't eat, can't do anything vaguely resembling normal right now. After this will go back to sitting in a corner and mentally tearing my hair out until I get over it.

Not that I want to get over it, in a way. Most of me just wants to go back, as per usual. Why does everything have to be such a traumafest with me, I'm such a melodrama queen. I suck I suck I... quiet now.

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