wasting time with you
2003-10-05 - 1:58 a.m.

I want to do the intelligent, funny thing but I'm afraid it's just going to be an obvious farce to cover some shallow angst.

So with that in mind I figure if I actually aim for the angst I'll come out with the good stuff. Theoretically.

I'm in the throes of craving something I don't even understand.

It's not that I feel empty, the glass really is half full most of the time not that I can usually be bothered to observe before guzzling the liquid down.

It's not that my life is empty, things happen, things change, I go places I like and places I don't, see faces I know and faces I don't.

But there's something I want. I want something more.

Though I don't even know what it is, let alone how to get it.

I want something to look forward to.
Something to find solace in.
Something I can always go to to make things feel better.

But that's basically just me asking for another addiction, another obsession, and I don't want that at all, I'd rather be normal for once.

Maybe it's just stability I want. The happy kind, though, not the kind that leads to my personal motto being "You can't feel like crap if you already feel like crap."

Rah rah rah. The angst dance, you know?

You put your insecurity in, you take your self-esteem out, you put your pessimism in and you shake it all about.

Maybe I want religion. Maybe I want a boyfriend. Maybe I just want a little dignity and a little respect and a new candle every now and then.

Something to burn for.


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