2002-05-18 - 8:53 p.m.
Huzzah! Yes, tis a relatively lame expression of rejoicing but eh what do I care.
I'm tightrope walking the line between general optimism and extreme "screw you!" but only where you relates to society... Does it show?
I'm happy because George is playing at Souths Juniors on the 5th of June .. tickets are twenty bucks, anyone want to come with?
And also who's free the night of May 31st? Scott Cain (popstar winner) is playing at the Coogee Bay and since admission is free we might as well go and mock. I wanna see the popstar and be all slightly giddy about it...
Oh, and I had a thought re: my birthday and what I want. Except that it's probably too late and I doubt anyone could pull it off anyway ... someone could email TLS's agent and make like they own a venue and want to book him for it... you just have to fail to mention the part where the venue is inside a giant cake, and his main performance would be jumping out of it rather than singing ... well, maybe a lil singing... hehehe ... *laughs more*
Ah, amused.
Work tonight ... saw Shelley and her hair looks all perfect so much so that I have to say "argh! how can it go through so many looks all good no fair argh!" and she won't give me back my top, the one I want to wear on my birthday .. fine, I just won't have a birthday then, nyah ...
I'm all ... not whiny .. what's that word? It's like PMS-y but isn't that because I'm not ... but it's something very growl-y like that. Something kind of panther-like where I want to attack moving targets and rip them into lil pieces ...
Cute guy at work has me messed up ... why do I always like the ones who don't see me best?! Urgh. And why do they always make me lose all control of my vocal functions and seem like (seem like, hell, you are) an incomparable idiot?
Here's the scene: I'm scanning, cuteguy is working directly across from me. I'm on register 2 at the very far end of the store, away from the express lanes ... But then some guy comes up and asks "Are you 12 items or less?" which is just a crazy question because there is no way I could be, I don't have the sign for it or even the nonturned on light... but still it throws me badly and I respond "I don't.. no?" and the guy is all incredulous "You don't know?" and I'm like "uh ... " and the guy walks off while I'm still trying to find an answer, all while I can feel cuteguy's eyes staring at me.
Argh! Frustration. So maybe he noticed me when I was being an idiot but that desn't count ... and it's not fair ... so many poisonous voices in my head telling me if you were thinner ... if your face was prettier ... if your hair was straighter ... if you changed yourself completely maybe, because right now you're a nice lil mess no one wants... If -
Cutting that off there. Won't say anything else about it except I can't eat. Which is pretty bad because I worked 5 hours and am really hungry ... but I walk up to the fridge and peer inside and then get mad at myself and stomp off ... but then I remember that I'm hungry so I walk up to the fridge, and vicious stomping cycle ensues.
And it's all a bit much when all I want really is comfort food ...
[What's your name?
What do you do,
Have you been through,
A little heartache today?
What's your name?]
Love that Cinema song ... it sounds different.
Forgot to mention two stalk related incidents that both involve uni library, one where I am the stalker and the other where I am the stalkee.
My stalker who was actually doing incredibly well with leaving me alone emailed me last night, because he was at uni and he thought he saw me go into the library the other day ... a miraculous task considering I wasn't there. What was he doing at uni anyway? I suspect flimsy reasoning, but feel bad for his loss of sanity re: me.
This morning I went to the library to get more psych paper info but all the books I wanted were gone ... but I managed to notice that the guy at the photocopier had all the books I wanted. Except I couldn't bring myself to ask him to share .. or even approaching him (I have approachment issues ... plus he was cute) so I just hung around nearby shelves and pretended to browse for twenty minutes all the while watching him intently. The moment he left the photocopier I swooped and stole a book (he had many, and I don't think he ended up coming back even) ... and yes, now I have a little pink sticky thing he used to mark a relevant page to remember him by. Aw.
Done now .. so hungry but so angry and all I can sit here is feel the hunger/anger thing. It's not fun. And dang, I shoulda done the 40hr famine ... then there would have been reason for the hunger as opposed to this crap. Urgh.
I'm tightrope walking the line between general optimism and extreme "screw you!" but only where you relates to society... Does it show?
I'm happy because George is playing at Souths Juniors on the 5th of June .. tickets are twenty bucks, anyone want to come with?
And also who's free the night of May 31st? Scott Cain (popstar winner) is playing at the Coogee Bay and since admission is free we might as well go and mock. I wanna see the popstar and be all slightly giddy about it...
Oh, and I had a thought re: my birthday and what I want. Except that it's probably too late and I doubt anyone could pull it off anyway ... someone could email TLS's agent and make like they own a venue and want to book him for it... you just have to fail to mention the part where the venue is inside a giant cake, and his main performance would be jumping out of it rather than singing ... well, maybe a lil singing... hehehe ... *laughs more*
Ah, amused.
Work tonight ... saw Shelley and her hair looks all perfect so much so that I have to say "argh! how can it go through so many looks all good no fair argh!" and she won't give me back my top, the one I want to wear on my birthday .. fine, I just won't have a birthday then, nyah ...
I'm all ... not whiny .. what's that word? It's like PMS-y but isn't that because I'm not ... but it's something very growl-y like that. Something kind of panther-like where I want to attack moving targets and rip them into lil pieces ...
Cute guy at work has me messed up ... why do I always like the ones who don't see me best?! Urgh. And why do they always make me lose all control of my vocal functions and seem like (seem like, hell, you are) an incomparable idiot?
Here's the scene: I'm scanning, cuteguy is working directly across from me. I'm on register 2 at the very far end of the store, away from the express lanes ... But then some guy comes up and asks "Are you 12 items or less?" which is just a crazy question because there is no way I could be, I don't have the sign for it or even the nonturned on light... but still it throws me badly and I respond "I don't.. no?" and the guy is all incredulous "You don't know?" and I'm like "uh ... " and the guy walks off while I'm still trying to find an answer, all while I can feel cuteguy's eyes staring at me.
Argh! Frustration. So maybe he noticed me when I was being an idiot but that desn't count ... and it's not fair ... so many poisonous voices in my head telling me if you were thinner ... if your face was prettier ... if your hair was straighter ... if you changed yourself completely maybe, because right now you're a nice lil mess no one wants... If -
Cutting that off there. Won't say anything else about it except I can't eat. Which is pretty bad because I worked 5 hours and am really hungry ... but I walk up to the fridge and peer inside and then get mad at myself and stomp off ... but then I remember that I'm hungry so I walk up to the fridge, and vicious stomping cycle ensues.
And it's all a bit much when all I want really is comfort food ...
[What's your name?
What do you do,
Have you been through,
A little heartache today?
What's your name?]
Love that Cinema song ... it sounds different.
Forgot to mention two stalk related incidents that both involve uni library, one where I am the stalker and the other where I am the stalkee.
My stalker who was actually doing incredibly well with leaving me alone emailed me last night, because he was at uni and he thought he saw me go into the library the other day ... a miraculous task considering I wasn't there. What was he doing at uni anyway? I suspect flimsy reasoning, but feel bad for his loss of sanity re: me.
This morning I went to the library to get more psych paper info but all the books I wanted were gone ... but I managed to notice that the guy at the photocopier had all the books I wanted. Except I couldn't bring myself to ask him to share .. or even approaching him (I have approachment issues ... plus he was cute) so I just hung around nearby shelves and pretended to browse for twenty minutes all the while watching him intently. The moment he left the photocopier I swooped and stole a book (he had many, and I don't think he ended up coming back even) ... and yes, now I have a little pink sticky thing he used to mark a relevant page to remember him by. Aw.
Done now .. so hungry but so angry and all I can sit here is feel the hunger/anger thing. It's not fun. And dang, I shoulda done the 40hr famine ... then there would have been reason for the hunger as opposed to this crap. Urgh.