2002-08-14 - 11:29 p.m.
Don't know what to say. It's as if someone's poked my life and we're all left reverbating in the resounding hollow.
Maybe all the feelings have just been literally frozen out. Stupid lack of summer.
Dreamed I said what I had meant to say, and felt so happy upon waking. Unfortunately person who I had said them to was absent, again, today which left me a little lost and uncentred.
He could be sick or lost or dead or... maybe he was never really here. I do start to wonder if I made him up, and then I think that's giving myself too much credit, so... someone a made up person made up for herself.
It disturbs me how right those words are. Usually it's tap tap tap, no wrong word delete, tap tap, spelled wrong delete, tap tap tap, that needs a comma in the middle, tap tap... and I'll accessorise and chip away at the sentence until I feel it gets some point across.
But with that I typed it out and even though it's ugly I can't change it because it's probably true. Truth ... don't tell me you're still hanging around...
It's a strange little place this space where it's too hard to feel happy and too bothersome to feel sad.
Not that I'm unhappy the only feeling that I have is in my feet and that's basically them saying "What the HELL did you think you were doing, prancing (read: limping) around in overly high boots all day? Owwwwwwww..."
OH yes I'm deeper than deep here if I were a pool you might just break your neck in me not that you'd really want to jump in, who knows what lies beneath? The answer is that nobody wants to know, myself included.
And even if I do resemble a teen angsty mess right now it's not really so, that involves some kinda feeling in the words and I want it known that there is none, I'm just tossing them out and letting them fall...
So to sum if it can be summed, I'm numb with cold but hey I have good hair ... that has to count for something.
Maybe all the feelings have just been literally frozen out. Stupid lack of summer.
Dreamed I said what I had meant to say, and felt so happy upon waking. Unfortunately person who I had said them to was absent, again, today which left me a little lost and uncentred.
He could be sick or lost or dead or... maybe he was never really here. I do start to wonder if I made him up, and then I think that's giving myself too much credit, so... someone a made up person made up for herself.
It disturbs me how right those words are. Usually it's tap tap tap, no wrong word delete, tap tap, spelled wrong delete, tap tap tap, that needs a comma in the middle, tap tap... and I'll accessorise and chip away at the sentence until I feel it gets some point across.
But with that I typed it out and even though it's ugly I can't change it because it's probably true. Truth ... don't tell me you're still hanging around...
It's a strange little place this space where it's too hard to feel happy and too bothersome to feel sad.
Not that I'm unhappy the only feeling that I have is in my feet and that's basically them saying "What the HELL did you think you were doing, prancing (read: limping) around in overly high boots all day? Owwwwwwww..."
OH yes I'm deeper than deep here if I were a pool you might just break your neck in me not that you'd really want to jump in, who knows what lies beneath? The answer is that nobody wants to know, myself included.
And even if I do resemble a teen angsty mess right now it's not really so, that involves some kinda feeling in the words and I want it known that there is none, I'm just tossing them out and letting them fall...
So to sum if it can be summed, I'm numb with cold but hey I have good hair ... that has to count for something.
