2002-09-21 - 7:59 p.m.
I am a girl in serious need of new clothes.
Well, maybe not in the actually needing them sense of the words (yeah, quiet you two, I can literally hear you screeching "No you don't!" in my head) but I swear if I don't get some retail therapy soon I may just drop dead.
I'm sick of this me and only the feeling of many plastic shopping bags in my hands and the dizzying smell of many many reciepts will make me feel better (or at least stop whining).
I think I know what it is that's crucifying me this time, it's a slow bizarre update of Babs v 4.8 to Babs v 5.0 and I am having growing pains.
You see every so often things come along and shove us into being different people, and right now I'm at the door and something is trying to push me through it, except that I'm so panicked by not seeing where I'm going that I'm kicking and screaming and clinging to the doorframe with my fingernails.
Occasionally the thing trying to push me through gives up in a huff and says "Fine, let's leave the baby with her doorframe," and then walks off and makes fading stomping noises, only to run back and keep pushing.
So what is this thing anyway... last year it was a skinnier version of me intent on getting out, and now it's *drumroll just because it isn't what anyone would be expecting* the intellectful-comebackhaving-coherent version of me.
Are you completely dumbfounded by the idea that such a me even exists? I know I am.
The problem seems to lie in the fact that, she isn't actually ready to come out yet. So instead she sits inside sulking and pouting at the world in general. And I feel all miserable with her.
In other non-completely-self news, today realised could quite easily lay self down at former-melty-hair-boy's feet and happily die if I knew it would not draw attention.
Guess what? I still suck...
Well, maybe not in the actually needing them sense of the words (yeah, quiet you two, I can literally hear you screeching "No you don't!" in my head) but I swear if I don't get some retail therapy soon I may just drop dead.
I'm sick of this me and only the feeling of many plastic shopping bags in my hands and the dizzying smell of many many reciepts will make me feel better (or at least stop whining).
I think I know what it is that's crucifying me this time, it's a slow bizarre update of Babs v 4.8 to Babs v 5.0 and I am having growing pains.
You see every so often things come along and shove us into being different people, and right now I'm at the door and something is trying to push me through it, except that I'm so panicked by not seeing where I'm going that I'm kicking and screaming and clinging to the doorframe with my fingernails.
Occasionally the thing trying to push me through gives up in a huff and says "Fine, let's leave the baby with her doorframe," and then walks off and makes fading stomping noises, only to run back and keep pushing.
So what is this thing anyway... last year it was a skinnier version of me intent on getting out, and now it's *drumroll just because it isn't what anyone would be expecting* the intellectful-comebackhaving-coherent version of me.
Are you completely dumbfounded by the idea that such a me even exists? I know I am.
The problem seems to lie in the fact that, she isn't actually ready to come out yet. So instead she sits inside sulking and pouting at the world in general. And I feel all miserable with her.
In other non-completely-self news, today realised could quite easily lay self down at former-melty-hair-boy's feet and happily die if I knew it would not draw attention.
Guess what? I still suck...
