2003-02-22 - 7:42 p.m.
Today I learned one of those possibly valuable life lessons which, although valuable is not practical or useable at all.
One of the hardest things in the world is to let something you want stare you in the face, let it parade around in front of you until you crave it so much it undoes you, knowing all the while that you will never ever have it.
But today I found something worse than that. And theoretically that's a good thing, for the next times where I can relativise the experience down "at least it's not this etc."
Although the thing that's worse is rather obvious really. What's worse than not being able to have one of the things you really want? Not being able to have two things you really want.
I'm being melodramatic I know, especially when it all boils down to being about a boy... but come on, it is me talking, so what would you really be expecting, actual philosophical epiphanies? Pffft, I don't think so.
There was a boy I know. In his annoyingly sexy jeans. I won't be specific because am having a case of diaryland paranoia ("Argh, what if the people I'm writing about find me! argh!!") but you can guess who, he's been mentioned before.
So he was there. And he was want #1. Not number one as in the most wanted of all, he was just there first... though the actual motives for wanting are questionable at best. But let's not go there just now.
He was with a girl I know of. I don't think they're together, I would have heard about that... rumours and such gossip get around at that place. She went off to do some shopping while he waited at the front, holding her little baby boy.
So tiny. So beautiful. That lid I had on my weird biological-clock-ticking-too-fast-baby-cravings totally evaporated. And they were around for like an hour... torture. They were just so very adorable together.
Urgh, I want one... and I want one. What is it about men and kids that gets me so....? Like men and guitairs... Any attraction is instantaneously magnified. But it's different, because I don't particularly want a guitair but I do want a baby. So what is it, some instinct in me of ye olde that makes me go "Look, he not only knows how to make one, but he can look after it as well, huzzah!"?
I don't know... I don't know.
Last day tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. All I know now is that it will.
One of the hardest things in the world is to let something you want stare you in the face, let it parade around in front of you until you crave it so much it undoes you, knowing all the while that you will never ever have it.
But today I found something worse than that. And theoretically that's a good thing, for the next times where I can relativise the experience down "at least it's not this etc."
Although the thing that's worse is rather obvious really. What's worse than not being able to have one of the things you really want? Not being able to have two things you really want.
I'm being melodramatic I know, especially when it all boils down to being about a boy... but come on, it is me talking, so what would you really be expecting, actual philosophical epiphanies? Pffft, I don't think so.
There was a boy I know. In his annoyingly sexy jeans. I won't be specific because am having a case of diaryland paranoia ("Argh, what if the people I'm writing about find me! argh!!") but you can guess who, he's been mentioned before.
So he was there. And he was want #1. Not number one as in the most wanted of all, he was just there first... though the actual motives for wanting are questionable at best. But let's not go there just now.
He was with a girl I know of. I don't think they're together, I would have heard about that... rumours and such gossip get around at that place. She went off to do some shopping while he waited at the front, holding her little baby boy.
So tiny. So beautiful. That lid I had on my weird biological-clock-ticking-too-fast-baby-cravings totally evaporated. And they were around for like an hour... torture. They were just so very adorable together.
Urgh, I want one... and I want one. What is it about men and kids that gets me so....? Like men and guitairs... Any attraction is instantaneously magnified. But it's different, because I don't particularly want a guitair but I do want a baby. So what is it, some instinct in me of ye olde that makes me go "Look, he not only knows how to make one, but he can look after it as well, huzzah!"?
I don't know... I don't know.
Last day tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. All I know now is that it will.
