All is not quiet on my mental front, and I hate that.

Also hated was the sudden revelation, the inevitable conclusion that I have as always realised startlingly late in the game -

High school has ruined me for life.

All my many virtues laid to waste. It killed Babs the Pure and although it's confirmed she was a loser I begin to suspect that current version of me is even more of one.

Did it scar everyone or was it just me? Is it just me who no longer even bothers to house a vaguely academic notion in her head (although it has been said she has the capacity to do so) on the mere premise that she may be called into volunteering such information to people in general?

And why did that call for a change of person mid sentence? I want to seperate myself from my words but we are stutteringly linked together, alas.

I have to let go of highschool, cut through the old scars and get on with some sort of life.

But I have no idea how to accomplish this, and as always I probably lack the motivation to even try.

How does one ever let go? I really like the idea that it involves burning something down... preferably the high school. I'm overly happified by the idea that it might give them a chance to implement one of those long practiced never used fire drills.

I'm trapped in me, does that make any sense?

You are sick of my whines I know, and so am I. Onto blonder things...

Yesterday I decided if I were to have to base a cartoon on something, it would be on APPLEMAN (his arch nemesis would of course be "The Doctor" leading to the catch phrase "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," amongst others such as "May the fruit be with you,") and if I were to ever have a band (insert appropriate laughter at my absurd lack of musical talent and skill) I would call it Everything but the gloss.

What would you call yours? Tell me. C'mon.

I am skipping psych lecture to see you right now. I almost feel like a rebel, but the commonality of uni students skipping uni classes and your not being a suitably cool boy with a motorcycle seriously inhibits the "rebel coolness" factor.

I had some smartguy/formermeltyhairboy revelations to be shared, in brief. To those bored by this leave now. Although that would probably prevent the paragraph from being written as I to would have to go...

You know whose fault it is, highschool for preventing me from forming any sort of social skills aside? Tony Lee Scott's. He disappeared and suddenly I had all this obsessive energy to spend.

I swear, if I ever catch sight of that boy and I find out that he did indeed lose his way I will tell him what he meant to me and drag his arse back on track myself.

But meanwhile, obsessive energies have faded today with the realisation that I don't want a relationship with either of these boys. *pauses for general confusion*

Former Melty Hair Boy + me are connected in my head by the worshippy feelings I have towards him.

I possibly just like the feeling that someone could be thought of so highly and that person not even know it.

SmartGuy + me are connected in my head by the nagging feeling that if I spoke to him we could be friends. But that if is a huge contender due to combined factors, ie. panic-over-speaking-to-unknowns, general-growing-awkwardity-between-us, and let's not forget serious social scarring from high school.

And of course former melty hair boy + SmartGuy are connected by the similar waves of general animosity/awkwardness, all as caused by me.

Urgh. I'm so sick of living in my own cage ... aren't you?

We lost blonde version of me some time ago. I am off to find her.

'Til the dust settles, then...

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