why do we shudder in our sleep
2003-06-04 - 6:42 p.m.

I'm having a really bad day.

I cried a lot at the counsellor's. He kept saying statements of how things were bad for me, I think I was supposed to respond to them and the talking about it would make me feel better but no, all I could do was minimal agreements and then I'd start to cry, again.

I don't think he wants to see me again, at the end of the session he didn't set up another appointment with me, he just told me to contact him if there was anything he could do (like write a letter to get me an extension on my assignment if I don't get it done) and it all seemed very final.

I guess that's that. Officially hopeless now maybe.

After that I picked up my stats assignment. I got 50% on it, and it was a shock, because for once in my life I thought I'd nailed it, and so it was just like "Bye bye, future,"

And my essay, due friday, I'm not getting anywhere, I can't read any of the material, only highlight, even then my brain isn't processing and I have nothing to fill the space with.

And there is another stats assignment due next week which now I'm terrified of plus an assignment on an alzheimer's paper which will no doubt cause me tear shed and a ling assignment that goes completely over my head and then three exams, all looming.

I can't do anything right, you know. I'm not good enough to be in the course I want to be in I'm not a good enough person to deserve friends I'm not a good enough daughter to deserve the parents I've got and I'm not a strong enough person to be able to hold it all together, I wish someone would take it away from me, because I obviously shouldn't have any of it.

I'm crying again I hate me for that and I'm so tired, if there was away to stop things going on I'd be taking it right about now.


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