I can't remember, I can't forget,
I'm simply fading like a cigarette

2005-01-16 - 1:37 a.m.

Hello hello how are you, thank you thank you I am fine, and I hope that you are too.

If a toy unicorn can manage to SING it, why can't I even say it?

It's times like this I really wish that mythical charity "Teaching people who mysteriously don't contact other people how to use telephonic devices (just incase they really didn't know how to)" was in existence. Though primarily aimed at males who say they'll call but never do, these days I think I too could benefit from their guidance.

I am in limbo. I have no daily routine to comfort and distract me, so I'm keenly aware of the limboness. It's my fault really, since my main efforts to get out consist of "Here door door door, c'mon, who's a good door? You are! C'mere door-y,"

I know, I know. But do you have any better ideas?

I'm binary. For all the love I have for grey, I don't actually understand it. Instead of seeing grey I see black and white. And not seperately, like a nice normal narrow-minded person, but all collided together; and I sit around trying to figure out just how much black and how much white is in there.

And that just gets me a hell of confused.

Why can't I just accept grey? Why can't I live in the middle? I reject maybe's, and lean towards no's and never's, because ... I'm scared. I'd rather lose hope now than later, I'd rather give it away than have it snatched.

This is what limbo has taught me, and as limbo is neither here nor there, this is also probably why my sanity is running for the hills.

When my brother was little he once started smacking his head into a wall repeatedly and my father just joked to my mother "Don't worry, he'll stop by himself eventually," and brother is all stable and married with children now so I think it's safe to assume he did.

So why can't I?

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