I just need you here with me
2004-11-06 - 6:18 p.m.

Someday, Someday is officially haunting me via radio these days.

And my computer appears to have mastered the concept of irony. While Someday was blaring out of radioland, I was trying to run an application but failing. The error box which popped up repeatedly offered two options -- retry and cancel. But the cancel button was grey, ie, unpressable and thus not even an option. All I could do was retry.

... Maybe that was one of those things that only makes sense to Babs. Guestbook me if you had enough extracurricular knowledge to get it too.

My body is weary and, to continue with the course remedial computer metaphors 1A, it is spending Saturday with a screensaver on. You can tell the body is alive, it's just not doing much.

Brain is still in Hawaii, or wherever it goes during uni assessment periods. I got a postcard the other day, it expects to be back before Christmas but not before my last exam. Oh, well.

Heart is, well. It's very alive and awake and even somewhat here, which is more than I can say for most of me.

It's uberfunctioning despite missing pieces.

One of these pieces is lost with mum. She's getting worse. Living with her is equivalent to watching concepts, words, and memories fall out of her head, one by one, day by day.

But this is not the part that bothers me anymore, and believe it or not, that bothers me. I feel callous that I'm not taking pain and blame away from it all the time, even though I know that doing so is not rational and would cut me more than I could stand.

But still.

I had a hot lesbian date yesterday. Read: caught up with my friend Alex. The jacarandas on oxford street are in bloom, and we realised that we're both growing. Not apart, not even up really, but into ourselves.

It's strange. I am bathing in the change I always thought was so elusive... I just wish I knew what it was doing to me.

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