2003-05-04 - 5:45 p.m.
I only came here to read and not write, so inevitably this entry will deteriorate into a random collection of my thoughts uninteresting to even me.
What happened to the days when I could do stuff with words? Not aloud, admittedly, but as word juggling players go I was... somewhere in there.
I feel like that's been corroded away too, possibly by tertiary education. I hit my learning peak years ago, now I seem to selectively bypass the things I'm meant to learn, saving only a few interesting scraps for conversation.
Maybe it's part of my internal striving to become pretty and braindead. Nailing the braindead part down. Though pretty eludes me as always.
I was examining the body in the mirror last night. So very easy to find flaw. And not just because it's my eyes I'm using, if you saw it, all of it including the parts I desperately hide, I'm convinced I would be outcast into the void.
Or perhaps I'm there already and the void is hallucinating me into such thoughts.
Why do all my explanations make about the same amount of sense? They all look totally wrong but right enough so that I can't dismiss one in favour of the other.
I'm too full of cake to go on. I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. Being full of good cake bad, being unable to go on good, but somehow there's still no balance.
Perhaps that's why I fall over a lot.
What happened to the days when I could do stuff with words? Not aloud, admittedly, but as word juggling players go I was... somewhere in there.
I feel like that's been corroded away too, possibly by tertiary education. I hit my learning peak years ago, now I seem to selectively bypass the things I'm meant to learn, saving only a few interesting scraps for conversation.
Maybe it's part of my internal striving to become pretty and braindead. Nailing the braindead part down. Though pretty eludes me as always.
I was examining the body in the mirror last night. So very easy to find flaw. And not just because it's my eyes I'm using, if you saw it, all of it including the parts I desperately hide, I'm convinced I would be outcast into the void.
Or perhaps I'm there already and the void is hallucinating me into such thoughts.
Why do all my explanations make about the same amount of sense? They all look totally wrong but right enough so that I can't dismiss one in favour of the other.
I'm too full of cake to go on. I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. Being full of good cake bad, being unable to go on good, but somehow there's still no balance.
Perhaps that's why I fall over a lot.
