I hurt my something. It's been hurt for days and I'm not even sure what it is, all I know is it hurts too much to move so there has been much lying down, much lying down, for days and days.

Even sitting upright in this chair hurts so this entry will be brief or masochistic, or some combination of the two.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I'm afraid she'll turn around and say "oh wow, you like need, immediate surgery," because it was about this time last year that I had hospitalisation. Please Jesus don't. I did the secluded introspection in a sterile environment thing, I don't need anymore of that.

Many emails and people unanswered, unpoked, because of whatever this ouch is. And christmas is nearly upon us and I haven't even bought a card or a present for anyone or put up the tree or figured out what I'm going to cook and how the hell I'm going to cook it if I'm still ouching from this whatever. If I could cancel christmas I would.

Haven't had a conversation with anyone not my parents in half a week, which is so bad for my mental health. But eh. Have come to realisations to a point and not so much really.

Lovely ex still has my heart, wherever he is. Also I didn't truly notice it til now but I think he may also have my remaining chunk of sanity. Oh well. I think some of his wisdom may have rubbed off on me... so maybe it's all fair enough.

I'm hungry. It ouches. I'm alone. But none of this is anything new.

Happy upcoming birthday Jesus (and happy extremely belated one sarah!), incase I don't make it back here in time for that. I'm missing everything these days.

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