cast me gently, into morning, for the night has been unkind
2004-12-04 - 5:44 p.m.

Love has made me a fool
Set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak
Except to cry out and wait for your answer
And you come around in your time
Speaking of fabulous places
Create an oasis
That dries up as soon as you're gone
You leave me here burning in this desert without you

Having love affair with Sarah McLachlan. Her lullabies are like an angel's who has had her wings torn off, all bloodied up but still lovely.

I'm contracting. it's one of those days ... all signs conclusively point to me being weaker than everyone else and just not enough. So fine, I am, fine fine. Just bugger off and leave me alone then, 'cos your pointing it out helps me nada.

I'm convulsing. not in the bad way. memory has been rewinding, replaying, everything. sometimes parts make me giggle in the middle of nowhere. sometimes I wish for more time. still so much left to ... say, do, figure out. but that's not in my power, I know. unfinished business just likes to haunt me so.

I'm confused. I didn't expect to be one of those people without a driving passion in life. One thing seems as good as another, and I know I won't really be able to derive my happiness from any of it. So ... where do I find it. Hm? And which thing do I pick in the meantime?

I'm conflicted. I just want to be content. But I don't know how to make that happen.

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo
Knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

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