2003-10-21 - 11:02 p.m.
Remember me when you're the one you always dreamed...
Nothing beats a good dose of placebo.
So how are you anyway, my love, my luverlies? I may have put on my melodrama hat when I got out of bed this morning, not intentionally I swear, it just happened to be the only thing that went with my bipolar shoes.
That being said, today was a day of underlined ordinaryness, though not unhappily so. I did as the Romans do, I suppose, although not including stabbing Julius Ceasar to death on the Ides of March...
What prompteth the history lesson, you ask? (You especially used the word prompteth to quietly mock my obtuse turn of phrase, but fortunately I do enjoy a good jest ... oh god, all the Austen and Bronte novels I've read have sunken in and warped me...)
Well, anyway. The ancient history reminiscing is due to me finding my report cards from year 12 a little earlier.
It's the craziest thing, reading it makes me remember everything and though I must have been there once it doesn't feel like it. Like I was really possessed by a demon or being controlled by an alien probe, and though at the time I was watching it all unfold from the back of my mind with vague disinterest, it's only now when I'm for some reason awake that I can look back at all the right memories and feel like I'm living them for the first time.
I lack the skill of being concise, but do you get me at all? Maybe you will later, demon possession and alien control being so common and all.
I'm kind of conflicted lately, and I'm not even really sure what about, which adds to the turmoil drastically. Like all these little battles are taking place in my head, with a white knight and a black knight and sometimes a grey knight (on horsies of course, generally they joust because it's traditional but man you should see them break dance), and though I have the power to call it over and dub one of them right I know that doesn't necessarily make it so.
Like (this is only for example and isn't even really one of the bigger contests) there's the love question: I see it nowhere and yet I still want to believe it's everywhere...
I mean look at my parents, who theoretically should be my role models on the subject: 42 years of arranged marriage and still going strong; sometimes they're nice to each other and sometimes they're mean, and though they formed a good union I know they were never in love, I'm not even sure if they even like each other half the time.
This and a bazillion other examples leaves the scores at love no (social construct blah evolutionary blah chemicals blah) on 95% and love yes yes yes on 5% (the part of me that just can't believe love songs, romance novels, and disney would lie like that.)
Love would be a great thing to hold onto, and that's what I think I'm really looking for, an anchor of some sort. And I mean, if it's good enough for the deluded masses then it's good enough for me!
But apparently it isn't.
I blame postmodernism, and possibly, goats.
Nothing beats a good dose of placebo.
So how are you anyway, my love, my luverlies? I may have put on my melodrama hat when I got out of bed this morning, not intentionally I swear, it just happened to be the only thing that went with my bipolar shoes.
That being said, today was a day of underlined ordinaryness, though not unhappily so. I did as the Romans do, I suppose, although not including stabbing Julius Ceasar to death on the Ides of March...
What prompteth the history lesson, you ask? (You especially used the word prompteth to quietly mock my obtuse turn of phrase, but fortunately I do enjoy a good jest ... oh god, all the Austen and Bronte novels I've read have sunken in and warped me...)
Well, anyway. The ancient history reminiscing is due to me finding my report cards from year 12 a little earlier.
It's the craziest thing, reading it makes me remember everything and though I must have been there once it doesn't feel like it. Like I was really possessed by a demon or being controlled by an alien probe, and though at the time I was watching it all unfold from the back of my mind with vague disinterest, it's only now when I'm for some reason awake that I can look back at all the right memories and feel like I'm living them for the first time.
I lack the skill of being concise, but do you get me at all? Maybe you will later, demon possession and alien control being so common and all.
I'm kind of conflicted lately, and I'm not even really sure what about, which adds to the turmoil drastically. Like all these little battles are taking place in my head, with a white knight and a black knight and sometimes a grey knight (on horsies of course, generally they joust because it's traditional but man you should see them break dance), and though I have the power to call it over and dub one of them right I know that doesn't necessarily make it so.
Like (this is only for example and isn't even really one of the bigger contests) there's the love question: I see it nowhere and yet I still want to believe it's everywhere...
I mean look at my parents, who theoretically should be my role models on the subject: 42 years of arranged marriage and still going strong; sometimes they're nice to each other and sometimes they're mean, and though they formed a good union I know they were never in love, I'm not even sure if they even like each other half the time.
This and a bazillion other examples leaves the scores at love no (social construct blah evolutionary blah chemicals blah) on 95% and love yes yes yes on 5% (the part of me that just can't believe love songs, romance novels, and disney would lie like that.)
Love would be a great thing to hold onto, and that's what I think I'm really looking for, an anchor of some sort. And I mean, if it's good enough for the deluded masses then it's good enough for me!
But apparently it isn't.
I blame postmodernism, and possibly, goats.
