And as she runs away she fears she won't be followed
What could be worse than leaving something behind
And as the depths of oceans slowly become shallow
It's loneliness she finds
If only he was mine...

Aside from listening to too many love songs I haven't done anything at all, I am still being little miss mopey.

I watched Jerry Springer and wondered what hope the world really has of surviving, because I just don't see it.

Created supervisor fantasies #5 through to #9. Realised last night that my need for a guy lead in my life is like some disease I've always carried to fight the void.

I remember being 8 years old and dreaming of a guy, and I remember making myself remember the moment so that whenever that guy chose to show up I could tell him that I'd been waiting for him since I was 8 years old.

Tell me that's not completely sick. No, you can't, you'd be lying. Damn you sonofabitch Walt Disney, you helped brainwash me bad.

Now I'm all growed up I know there is no guy but the disease lingers.

Last night I also had realisation of what my baby cravings are actually all about. Like all my realisations, it was so completely obvious that I feel stupid for not realising before.

Short version, my family is dying and the baby cravings are probably just about me wanting to build a new one before this one crumbles and leaves me all alone in the rubble.

Mummy's sick and Daddy's old
But let the badness go untold...

I should be having a driving lesson but I can't concentrate, my legs are all twitchy and I see myself as likely to hit the accelerator... speeding me to the unknown.

Better than a slow death I suppose.

<< >>