D'you know, as I was coming inside the other night, or as it's more appropriately called, morning, I noticed something I somehow overlooked for the first 20 yrs of so-called life.

There are different levels of dark. There's pitch black and slightly lighter and moderately lighter and much lighter and... yeah. How did I manage to miss this stunningly obvious phenomena? Damned if I know. I don't think I cared before, maybe. Dark's still dark, a spade is a spade, a cow is a cow and boys will be boys.

I'm all in for the tautologistic fun this mornin' apparently.

But yeah, I care now, I like the little differences, but I don't know what that means, what difference that makes.

I get to go to sleep in another 179 words, home stretches are the hardest...

Different levels of attraction
- Hyperaware someone is a guy
- Vaguely aware someone is a guy
- Could be a mushroom for all you know/care

It's. all. about. ze. levels.

Session with counsellor man went fine, I managed to maintain a stressed but oddly upbeat tone. General gist of it was "considering your life is crap, you're doing fantastic!" but y'know not in those exact words, tact was exercised.

It's stupid, but I still need my little gold stars, someone to tell me i'm doing good cos damned if I can even tell anymore.

but I'm haaapppy. also damned if I can figure out why. It's like the crappier everything gets with the uni and the stress and the "aaaahhh!!! aaaaahhhh!!!" the more I'm like, shall I dance around to whatever's blaring on the radio and spasm ridiculously for my own amusement??? yesssssss!!!

er, not that I'm doing that now, um, nooo....

so i have nothing else to add now except um my stress period is not scehduled to end til the last xam - july the second - so you can look forward to my continuing self denigration - really i mean disintegration but that one works too.

and yeah, yeah, y'all know what i'll be looking at, why couldn't i have a normal obsession like porn, dagnabbit.

<< >>