Finally found the superjesus' rock music album hiding in a something for kate cover.

It's such a balm, though overall I like Jet Age better.

I had another of my bimonthly crashing episodes last night. With the uncontrollable sobbing and trying to not fill my lungs with air because I just didn't want to anymore.

Counsellor-Man says it's because I am the frog that is boiling to death so slowly that it doesn't notice, ie stress is basically a norm in my life so I don't even notice it.

I don't know what I think about it anymore, except to say that Prozac has started to look really appealing.

But I know the problem isn't my life -- it's me. It's always been me. And when I dream it's only to imagine bad things happening -- so I can further justify already feeling so bad.

And this morning I'm fine. I slept for 12 hours straight. There's not much going on upstairs and even less with the rest of me, I'm fasting a little so the hunger pangs will dim everything else out. They're so good for that.

So my coping methods are a tad bizarre... it's all I've got and you know, I get by, and I suppose that's what matters isn't it?

I need to abandon this semi-conscious fantasy that someone else will pick up these pieces, I think it may be fundamentally screwing me over.

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