I lost the battle today. And maybe it's not the war, so it doesn't matter, but it feels like it is.

I am redundant. Defeated.

This never seemed to matter before. You pick up and keep moving, doesn't everyone?

You give it all that you got.

But now I know; I got nothing. Nothing to offer, to anyone, anything. This realisation is ... crushing, at best.

I made an appointment with the counsellor. This alone distresses me emphatically. It's like my statement to the world -- yes, by your standards, I am inadequate. I feel marked by this, very Macbeth, a spot I will never get out.

I'm so ashamed.

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