says here in the water you must be gone by now,
I can tell somehow
2003-12-05 - 12:56 p.m.
My mother's getting worse.
And I'm not getting much better.
How am I supposed to? Is there some formula I should be following, some dance I could be doing, that would make this hurt less?
How do people do this? How do they just go on, day after day after day?
It's fine, I am, I'm fine. Well, as fine as I get anyway. It's just been a bad morning. Coupled with my fortnightly episode of internal screaming and clawing and fighting the unwinnable fight.
It breaks my heart and that breaks me, and I get that feeling again, that losing her is making me lose myself as well. How much will I take before I start to shut off? Shut everything out? What else is there to do but take it...
How do I convince myself to live with the fact that the only way is down?
And I'm not getting much better.
How am I supposed to? Is there some formula I should be following, some dance I could be doing, that would make this hurt less?
How do people do this? How do they just go on, day after day after day?
It's fine, I am, I'm fine. Well, as fine as I get anyway. It's just been a bad morning. Coupled with my fortnightly episode of internal screaming and clawing and fighting the unwinnable fight.
It breaks my heart and that breaks me, and I get that feeling again, that losing her is making me lose myself as well. How much will I take before I start to shut off? Shut everything out? What else is there to do but take it...
How do I convince myself to live with the fact that the only way is down?
