2003-01-12 - 7:17 p.m.
Thanks to all those who messaged. You all rock muchly.
Today, after my shift at coles work, I felt a return of the old Babs (the one who went out and got another job without making clear why she was doing so to the rest of us).
I think I mentioned it before but the reason lacked the needed italics: tiring as hell. Still, I'm an eensy bit worried about the new job because the sense that I'm going to stuff up big time is still predominantly lurking.
But it doesn't matter, because once I stuff up and get fired, I can look for a job in retail (the field I actually belong in, none of this office admin crap) and my resume will look nicer because it will be fatter.
I'm not going to stuff up intentionally, it might have sounded that way just then, but you have to remember that I am Babs and unintended stuff ups are practically my speciality.
I think it may have something to do with my inability to focus on anything for longer than three seconds, unless it's shiny or yummy. But I'm not sure, I always get too distracted to think about this theory for very long for some reason.
Today there was Yum Cha and a little browsing. I haven't done a proper shop for ages and am currently broke as always but I saw much to be drooled over in market city and oh how I want. As friends noted today, I perhaps need to be sent to Shopaholics Anonymous...
Then I went to work. Tiresome. People a little annoying but not more than average. Stared at the supervisor-guy (only a little, nothing anyone would notice) who I seem to have a liking for but I'm not sure why or how real it is.
I mean, he so is not attractive. Well, he isn't my type, which says something, because I'm really not that picky (well compared to some) and when I say 'my type' I mean 'my types'. He has this, floppy hair and dorky glasses ... And yet is all cute when he smiles. And nice. Did I mention nice? I think I am just confused because I haven't pedestalled him yet. And I won't...
He's just a nice guy is all, and he so wouldn't think I'd be interested, and he so isn't interested in me. But if he asked me out I'd say yes.
What was that, silent reader? Me ask him out, or something? Pah. I'm into taking risks, but not ones where I am so obviously going to fall to my metaphorical death with a big "splat!" noise.
Still. Maybe the musical chairs music has been winding down a lot lately (more than you'd believe) and people are getting ready to sit and do sitting type things, and then there's just me, permanent wall-weed. Starting to panic and grow unnaturally towards the chairs.
Too many metaphors in that one, even I have no idea what that was meant to accomplish.
Let's just say love life wise there seems to be a growing sense of desperation/abandon. Like today at work the guy I was working across from broke some oil and the cleaner had to come and clean right in front of me. And I felt bad, because it was scary-cleaner-who-asked-me-out and even though I so so SO did not and do not and will not want to go out with him I regretted turning him down.
I think I must be in some kind of no-man's-land (wanting to date and thinking I'll never date)... wow, and in the literal sense too.
And now I'm home, and there aren't guys here to ruminate on here, so instead I'll worry about my body and try to fix it and then give up and have ice cream and then regret that and then regret regretting that and then I'll start working on my new tops but get stuck and give up, then working on my dinner party plans but get stuck and give up, keep working on a newish diary layout but get bored and give up, and then maybe you'll get a new entry from me whining about how I am an idiot because I am an idiot and this is what I do.
Such is my life. It may not be interesting, or fulfilling, or good in general, but at least it's.... um.... what was my point again?
Oh right, but it's all I have, and that's better than.... um, nothing? Well, in theory.
I'm Babs. I babbled. It's time to end.
Today, after my shift at coles work, I felt a return of the old Babs (the one who went out and got another job without making clear why she was doing so to the rest of us).
I think I mentioned it before but the reason lacked the needed italics: tiring as hell. Still, I'm an eensy bit worried about the new job because the sense that I'm going to stuff up big time is still predominantly lurking.
But it doesn't matter, because once I stuff up and get fired, I can look for a job in retail (the field I actually belong in, none of this office admin crap) and my resume will look nicer because it will be fatter.
I'm not going to stuff up intentionally, it might have sounded that way just then, but you have to remember that I am Babs and unintended stuff ups are practically my speciality.
I think it may have something to do with my inability to focus on anything for longer than three seconds, unless it's shiny or yummy. But I'm not sure, I always get too distracted to think about this theory for very long for some reason.
Today there was Yum Cha and a little browsing. I haven't done a proper shop for ages and am currently broke as always but I saw much to be drooled over in market city and oh how I want. As friends noted today, I perhaps need to be sent to Shopaholics Anonymous...
Then I went to work. Tiresome. People a little annoying but not more than average. Stared at the supervisor-guy (only a little, nothing anyone would notice) who I seem to have a liking for but I'm not sure why or how real it is.
I mean, he so is not attractive. Well, he isn't my type, which says something, because I'm really not that picky (well compared to some) and when I say 'my type' I mean 'my types'. He has this, floppy hair and dorky glasses ... And yet is all cute when he smiles. And nice. Did I mention nice? I think I am just confused because I haven't pedestalled him yet. And I won't...
He's just a nice guy is all, and he so wouldn't think I'd be interested, and he so isn't interested in me. But if he asked me out I'd say yes.
What was that, silent reader? Me ask him out, or something? Pah. I'm into taking risks, but not ones where I am so obviously going to fall to my metaphorical death with a big "splat!" noise.
Still. Maybe the musical chairs music has been winding down a lot lately (more than you'd believe) and people are getting ready to sit and do sitting type things, and then there's just me, permanent wall-weed. Starting to panic and grow unnaturally towards the chairs.
Too many metaphors in that one, even I have no idea what that was meant to accomplish.
Let's just say love life wise there seems to be a growing sense of desperation/abandon. Like today at work the guy I was working across from broke some oil and the cleaner had to come and clean right in front of me. And I felt bad, because it was scary-cleaner-who-asked-me-out and even though I so so SO did not and do not and will not want to go out with him I regretted turning him down.
I think I must be in some kind of no-man's-land (wanting to date and thinking I'll never date)... wow, and in the literal sense too.
And now I'm home, and there aren't guys here to ruminate on here, so instead I'll worry about my body and try to fix it and then give up and have ice cream and then regret that and then regret regretting that and then I'll start working on my new tops but get stuck and give up, then working on my dinner party plans but get stuck and give up, keep working on a newish diary layout but get bored and give up, and then maybe you'll get a new entry from me whining about how I am an idiot because I am an idiot and this is what I do.
Such is my life. It may not be interesting, or fulfilling, or good in general, but at least it's.... um.... what was my point again?
Oh right, but it's all I have, and that's better than.... um, nothing? Well, in theory.
I'm Babs. I babbled. It's time to end.
