It aches.

Yeah, yeah. I'm moody. And needy. And I cry too much. I have PMS and exams and insecurities, a potent combination.

I try to be the martyr but I'm really just a selfish cow. You know it, I know it, let's make a statue to commemorate this knowledge and put it in the town square.

I'm not used to wanting things I can't have. I usually assess the probability of me being able to have it before I let myself want it.

Which probably explains why I haven't wanted anything in almost ever.

But I do now and it tears me up. Because I can't have it. I know why, even if I don't necessarily understand why. But this doesn't stop the wanting, sometimes it quietens down to a carressing hum but right now it's roaring.

I'm just an addict desperate for a fix. But I don't have anything of value I can trade for a hit.

People probably think that I should check myself into rehab. I can learn to starve myself of the things my body wants, lord knows I have before.

But there's no point. Rehabilitation so I can return to "normality"? Normality sucks arse. Ooooh, eloquent. I'd rather stick my finger in a power point.

blondeinside.diaryland.com: messed up, but very intent on staying that way. but apologises for the whining that is and will continue to be generated by this.

oh well, must dash, exams to fail, walls to bang my head against repeatedly, y'know.

Dear all, you've got my love (undivided love, as that old song goes) if that means anything to you. kisses -- Babs.

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