2002-11-17 - 9:59 p.m.
I'm listening to a song from the soundtrack of a lame teen movie on repeat.
I don't know why, but I feel particularly gipped on the teen experience.
Where have those initial romantic entanglements I was theoretically supposed to have gotten to, the ones that aren't particularly wanted in the beginning but just happen (preferably in amusing circumstances) and then they spiral out of control in a few moments of typical-teen-tragedy (TTT for short; generally occurring through miscommunication or from one teen making a mistake and both suffering from it) but in the end are concisely (read: magically) resolved as the theme music plays the exultant cues for a happily ever after?
That's all I want. Laugh at how I say all like it isn't so much.
My love life's DOA.
Could be worse. Could be... drunk and disorderly. Now there's a scary thought.
I want the feeling of mutual like now, please? All I want for christmas... Yeah, I still think love is the socially acceptable (endorsed) fairy tale (santa-like) for adults, but... I'd still like to believe.
In other (still somewhat related) news, I have developed a new working theory (much like my theory that all males live north) that guys only like girls better looking than them or as good looking as them, while girls are more encouraged to see the inner beauty of males (whose outer beauty is generally considerably smaller by comparison). I base this on the evidence of coupledom presented to me at work, whereby goodlooking guys are only seen with goodlooking girls, and yet not-so goodlooking guys are also only seen with better looking girls.
And okay I know the theory suffers from my huge bias of being girl-like and my lack of actual reasoning, but still... at least it fits in with my theory that they are breeding us ugly girls out of the gene pool (not entirely plausible, I'll grant you) and I will soon end up old and witch-like and throwing hairless cats at passers by.
Hairless cats I tells ya!
Ahem. *momentarily regains sanity* How are you??
I haven't written for two days which is a long time in babs-years. My biological clock is ticking you know! Although currently is broken and for some reason I biologically feel the need to be about twenty years ahead of myself now.
I went to see killing heidi with my peeps last night (*laughter* hehehe... peeps). It was much of the good except for dead feet and oooh, the brawl that broke out directly in front of us and forced us to retreat to the safety of the bar.
By forcing us I mean colleen and shelley sensibly jumped back as I gawked on. Colleen actually had to pull me away, while I was thinking "Woo, a fight! Did someone just put a cigarette in someone else's hair? Oooooh."
Yeah, I'm concerned for my own safety like that.
But Killing Heidi were so good. You hearing me? Sooooooo good. If they were a drug the government would not legalise them, and that is all I shall say.
Well, will quickly add it was a therapeutic and calorie-burning experience, and then shut up.
There is much more to be said, like today at work and more former-melty-hair-boy-revelations and panic about maths and psych and serious anxiety over soca and more babbling over my lack of a love life and also...
I don't know if I want to be mentioning this yet but... might as well, possible concern re: as yet unmentioned but possibly noteworthy growing attraction to supervisor, noteworthy because he is a sudden unexpected lead in day dream scenarios, noteworthy because my behaviour is not obsessive yet, noteworthy because this makes another one to add to the attracted list (what am I, on heat??), noteworthy because he does not in any way fit my definition of attractive (which means that a. I probably need to re-write my definition or b. if someone can force me to re-write my definition of attractive, then it is plausible I could force someone to re-write their's and therefore there is still hope re: my love life), noteworthy because there's a serious chance I'm not actually attracted to him at all but am in love with the idea of having him as a friend, noteworthy because I am so low in self-esteem I might actually be re-writing my thoughts so that I am only becoming attracted to people I can plausibly see liking me/finding me attractive.
*takes a breath* ... I've only been holding that in for a few weeks but really, too long. The above is all so confusing to me, and yet all reasons feel equally valid.
Plus there are more like me only making up attractions to distract self from bigger non-boy-shaped holes in life.
Anyway. This entry is far, far too long for it's own good. Will discuss other things of importance later in more depth when I feel it becomes necessary to my own mental health (ie, before I go insane).
So basically, see you in an hour.
I don't know why, but I feel particularly gipped on the teen experience.
Where have those initial romantic entanglements I was theoretically supposed to have gotten to, the ones that aren't particularly wanted in the beginning but just happen (preferably in amusing circumstances) and then they spiral out of control in a few moments of typical-teen-tragedy (TTT for short; generally occurring through miscommunication or from one teen making a mistake and both suffering from it) but in the end are concisely (read: magically) resolved as the theme music plays the exultant cues for a happily ever after?
That's all I want. Laugh at how I say all like it isn't so much.
My love life's DOA.
Could be worse. Could be... drunk and disorderly. Now there's a scary thought.
I want the feeling of mutual like now, please? All I want for christmas... Yeah, I still think love is the socially acceptable (endorsed) fairy tale (santa-like) for adults, but... I'd still like to believe.
In other (still somewhat related) news, I have developed a new working theory (much like my theory that all males live north) that guys only like girls better looking than them or as good looking as them, while girls are more encouraged to see the inner beauty of males (whose outer beauty is generally considerably smaller by comparison). I base this on the evidence of coupledom presented to me at work, whereby goodlooking guys are only seen with goodlooking girls, and yet not-so goodlooking guys are also only seen with better looking girls.
And okay I know the theory suffers from my huge bias of being girl-like and my lack of actual reasoning, but still... at least it fits in with my theory that they are breeding us ugly girls out of the gene pool (not entirely plausible, I'll grant you) and I will soon end up old and witch-like and throwing hairless cats at passers by.
Hairless cats I tells ya!
Ahem. *momentarily regains sanity* How are you??
I haven't written for two days which is a long time in babs-years. My biological clock is ticking you know! Although currently is broken and for some reason I biologically feel the need to be about twenty years ahead of myself now.
I went to see killing heidi with my peeps last night (*laughter* hehehe... peeps). It was much of the good except for dead feet and oooh, the brawl that broke out directly in front of us and forced us to retreat to the safety of the bar.
By forcing us I mean colleen and shelley sensibly jumped back as I gawked on. Colleen actually had to pull me away, while I was thinking "Woo, a fight! Did someone just put a cigarette in someone else's hair? Oooooh."
Yeah, I'm concerned for my own safety like that.
But Killing Heidi were so good. You hearing me? Sooooooo good. If they were a drug the government would not legalise them, and that is all I shall say.
Well, will quickly add it was a therapeutic and calorie-burning experience, and then shut up.
There is much more to be said, like today at work and more former-melty-hair-boy-revelations and panic about maths and psych and serious anxiety over soca and more babbling over my lack of a love life and also...
I don't know if I want to be mentioning this yet but... might as well, possible concern re: as yet unmentioned but possibly noteworthy growing attraction to supervisor, noteworthy because he is a sudden unexpected lead in day dream scenarios, noteworthy because my behaviour is not obsessive yet, noteworthy because this makes another one to add to the attracted list (what am I, on heat??), noteworthy because he does not in any way fit my definition of attractive (which means that a. I probably need to re-write my definition or b. if someone can force me to re-write my definition of attractive, then it is plausible I could force someone to re-write their's and therefore there is still hope re: my love life), noteworthy because there's a serious chance I'm not actually attracted to him at all but am in love with the idea of having him as a friend, noteworthy because I am so low in self-esteem I might actually be re-writing my thoughts so that I am only becoming attracted to people I can plausibly see liking me/finding me attractive.
*takes a breath* ... I've only been holding that in for a few weeks but really, too long. The above is all so confusing to me, and yet all reasons feel equally valid.
Plus there are more like me only making up attractions to distract self from bigger non-boy-shaped holes in life.
Anyway. This entry is far, far too long for it's own good. Will discuss other things of importance later in more depth when I feel it becomes necessary to my own mental health (ie, before I go insane).
So basically, see you in an hour.
