2002-11-18 - 2:19 p.m.
Scrap the last entry, I don't want to participate in the lame teen experience at all.
In the past... something hours I have returned to my senses and tuned into reality and realised I should make my goals far more realistic and attainable, and this is why I now proclaim:
I wanna be sailor moon!
I got the DVDs from ebay today and am therefore a happy babs. Surprise package at door for me + turning out to be sailor moon dvds + plus bubble wrap = the major happy.
Am procrastinating which is the major bad since have huge scary failure=death maths exam in 2 days plus my soca tutor keeps trying to contact me so at this point I am ignoring stress because in my head that's what makes it go away (although it usually comes back later with avengence).
Mmmm... I had more things to speak of but they are less relevant with the passing of time, so will instead just briefly mention the FMHB scenario playing out at work whereby each day we run into each other (in the standing still, not moving way) and there is some mutual staring done (okay, most of it by me but a little by him I think) not simultaneously and then he is placed on the opposite end of the store, never in my line of vision.
Yesterday this led me to speculate on the nature of his feelings re: me and for the first time began to theorise that they are not the "why is that girl such a freak?" sentiments as generally imagined; instead perhaps being feelings of like based on the idea of the slim, practically non existant chance of him finding me attractive.
So yeup, I felt good about myself for a few hours until my shift finished and I was confronted by a mirror and the theory that anyone ever could find me attractive was speedily abandoned.
Way harsh. But I wouldn't say unduly.
I should be focusing on study right now but I am strangely bereft of even the tiniest impulse to study so instead am overcompensating by boy obsessing and a compulsive need to scour ebay for dvds to expand my collection.
Plus I'm feeling slightly ill by recent institution of chocolate as two of my five major food groups, which has compelled me to make my morning meal consist of excess "breakfast mousse".
Things aren't going so well but I'm delusional enough to not worry about it, so in that normal twisted sort of way my world is fine right now. How is yours?
In the past... something hours I have returned to my senses and tuned into reality and realised I should make my goals far more realistic and attainable, and this is why I now proclaim:
I wanna be sailor moon!
I got the DVDs from ebay today and am therefore a happy babs. Surprise package at door for me + turning out to be sailor moon dvds + plus bubble wrap = the major happy.
Am procrastinating which is the major bad since have huge scary failure=death maths exam in 2 days plus my soca tutor keeps trying to contact me so at this point I am ignoring stress because in my head that's what makes it go away (although it usually comes back later with avengence).
Mmmm... I had more things to speak of but they are less relevant with the passing of time, so will instead just briefly mention the FMHB scenario playing out at work whereby each day we run into each other (in the standing still, not moving way) and there is some mutual staring done (okay, most of it by me but a little by him I think) not simultaneously and then he is placed on the opposite end of the store, never in my line of vision.
Yesterday this led me to speculate on the nature of his feelings re: me and for the first time began to theorise that they are not the "why is that girl such a freak?" sentiments as generally imagined; instead perhaps being feelings of like based on the idea of the slim, practically non existant chance of him finding me attractive.
So yeup, I felt good about myself for a few hours until my shift finished and I was confronted by a mirror and the theory that anyone ever could find me attractive was speedily abandoned.
Way harsh. But I wouldn't say unduly.
I should be focusing on study right now but I am strangely bereft of even the tiniest impulse to study so instead am overcompensating by boy obsessing and a compulsive need to scour ebay for dvds to expand my collection.
Plus I'm feeling slightly ill by recent institution of chocolate as two of my five major food groups, which has compelled me to make my morning meal consist of excess "breakfast mousse".
Things aren't going so well but I'm delusional enough to not worry about it, so in that normal twisted sort of way my world is fine right now. How is yours?
