2003-01-22 - 3:32 a.m.
Listening to MP3's I haven't listened to for months due to excess cds... ahh...
Songs get old with me, as soon as they get encoded with some memory of my life I tend to discard them because I need more moooore mooooooooore...
It's late, or early if you prefer, so am not my regular kind of crazed.
I walked outside to get here, it is very weird, still dark but everything is visible somehow.
It took me several moments to realise the end of the night is approaching, that the dawn comes.
But not for me somehow. Something has me an automatic twitch mode and am too busy trying to distract self to remember what it is.
Saw Lord of the Rings, the two towers today and finally read that fourth Harry Potter book.
Frodo and Sam are so very gay. Those tree protectory people were dang adorable. There's something about a man whose arrow always finds its target that I love.
JK Rowling has a fair amount of author prowess, I wonder what she has written before now to get her here, I would like to see her writing from her early days.
The most acclaimed writers of crime fiction make the most obvious of feints which never cause me to bat an eyelid but her main plot twists I don't see coming. Maybe because the crime writers always rely on a formula (which means even deviation is predictable) and her content is unchartered territory.
But then, I'm not really paying attention, I let the books blind me because I never really read anymore. It's too hard to find something that means anything. If I was paying attention I could see, but I don't want to see, I just want a quick fix. I am quick fix girl... except that my fixes never hold.
So. Yes. Anyway. I won't pretend to surmise with any authority as to what's in store for Hogwarts but I think that Harry Potter is destined to lose something more important than his life sooner or later and that unrelatedly maybe I wonder how much sand is left in Dumbledore's hourglass.
But meh, like I care. Today has involved a good eight hours or so trying to put my head in different realities, a state only painfully half achieved, neither here nor there. Something has me bound to this place now so that I can't leave, not even for day trips as of old. I don't miss any of the old me's but they were free in ways I am not and I do miss that.
It's okay, I don't know what I'm talking about either. Um.
The rest of today was okay. Daunting, somehow. I'm overwhelmed by life but it's okay because I know for a fact that just about everyone else around me is too. When did I stop coping? It's like at some long ago point all my coping mechanisms broke down and now everything just wanders through, scraping away at what's left of me.
Blah. ignore above. Night used to be my time and place but now it's always darkest before the dawn, literally, like for so many others.
I hate that I'm forced to be normal without reaping the benefit.
I think my father is rising, which means I must fall... or else someone else is prowling around and I must meet them.
Either way. Good night.
Songs get old with me, as soon as they get encoded with some memory of my life I tend to discard them because I need more moooore mooooooooore...
It's late, or early if you prefer, so am not my regular kind of crazed.
I walked outside to get here, it is very weird, still dark but everything is visible somehow.
It took me several moments to realise the end of the night is approaching, that the dawn comes.
But not for me somehow. Something has me an automatic twitch mode and am too busy trying to distract self to remember what it is.
Saw Lord of the Rings, the two towers today and finally read that fourth Harry Potter book.
Frodo and Sam are so very gay. Those tree protectory people were dang adorable. There's something about a man whose arrow always finds its target that I love.
JK Rowling has a fair amount of author prowess, I wonder what she has written before now to get her here, I would like to see her writing from her early days.
The most acclaimed writers of crime fiction make the most obvious of feints which never cause me to bat an eyelid but her main plot twists I don't see coming. Maybe because the crime writers always rely on a formula (which means even deviation is predictable) and her content is unchartered territory.
But then, I'm not really paying attention, I let the books blind me because I never really read anymore. It's too hard to find something that means anything. If I was paying attention I could see, but I don't want to see, I just want a quick fix. I am quick fix girl... except that my fixes never hold.
So. Yes. Anyway. I won't pretend to surmise with any authority as to what's in store for Hogwarts but I think that Harry Potter is destined to lose something more important than his life sooner or later and that unrelatedly maybe I wonder how much sand is left in Dumbledore's hourglass.
But meh, like I care. Today has involved a good eight hours or so trying to put my head in different realities, a state only painfully half achieved, neither here nor there. Something has me bound to this place now so that I can't leave, not even for day trips as of old. I don't miss any of the old me's but they were free in ways I am not and I do miss that.
It's okay, I don't know what I'm talking about either. Um.
The rest of today was okay. Daunting, somehow. I'm overwhelmed by life but it's okay because I know for a fact that just about everyone else around me is too. When did I stop coping? It's like at some long ago point all my coping mechanisms broke down and now everything just wanders through, scraping away at what's left of me.
Blah. ignore above. Night used to be my time and place but now it's always darkest before the dawn, literally, like for so many others.
I hate that I'm forced to be normal without reaping the benefit.
I think my father is rising, which means I must fall... or else someone else is prowling around and I must meet them.
Either way. Good night.
