sometimes you feel it, then it goes
2003-04-30 - 7:17 p.m.

Another non event of a day ... life keeps alternating between being sucky or just boring, possibly because it knows that anything more at this point would throw me into the path of metaphorical oncoming traffic.

I walked into a girl today, and I don't know why I can repeat this as a good thing. I didn't even look at her, even though I cut directly into her path and she had to stop to avoid collision, because I just wouldn't.

As I walked on without saying a word I could hear her bitching to her friend "What am I, invisible?" but I didn't care at all, if anything it reinforced the angry happy.

Because I'm not invisible, and for once in my life I didn't care what an absolute stranger thought of me, and that was such a relief.

How weird is it that I can glean an inkling of self-confidence by knowing that I can always piss off someone I don't even know.

Went into uni so I could tune out for an hour, not sure why I bothered since I can always tune out from home.

But it was good to be out, the sun was warming, and the day wasn't half-bad. Intervals of self-hate/body-hate aside.

I think cutting work out of my life was a bad idea. I was always run off my feet and only just managing to scrape by, but that was the way I liked it. I did the wise thing though in letting it go in a way, it is time I faced stuff and stopped scraping etc. etc., but now I have the time I still lack the will power.

But things will be okay, in so much as, they'll stay the same. I will wash my hair and fuss over it, eat too many marshmellows, worry about my outfit for tomorrow, and perhaps even do my stats homework. Same old thing, same old same old.


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