and i still hold your hand in mine, in mine when i'm asleep
2005-05-25 - 5:28 p.m.

Once a boy told me he loved me. And I told him "I don't believe in love."

In hindsight, I realise I meant "You're not the right one."

Once I told a boy I loved him.

There had been a sudden rain of emotion, and my heart felt his tears like corrosive splinters. I had suspected It for awhile, but in that moment, I Knew.

The words left my mouth immediately, and were greeted with the widest smile, and a contented "I know."

We're not together anymore. I think my heart may be a present he doesn't really want.

Often I will circle and circle around this, then change my perspective, and circle and circle around that. I stay mostly silent on it, but it's always trickling, or racing around my brain.

So for this once, I wanted to say it. Say what everybody who knows me already knows well, say what even the illiterate have already guessed.

I'm still in love with him.

I have been since the first night he took my hand in his.


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