2002-09-02 - 3:03 p.m.
You know, I often waltz on a lot about how things aren't changing, but just quietly, I think they are.
My problem re: change+me is that it seems to be happening at snail pace, when what I really want is some illegal speeding to different.
And even if the end product is... well... let's just say undesirable, maybe even a little grotesque, I still wish I'd just get there already.
I speak wrong, as if there is a there to be gotten, a point where I can sit back and enjoy the fact that I've lived (while not actually living anymore).
I can hear you quietly muttering that that time is called 'old age'. Stop that, we're too young to be so bitter...
Onto brighter things I suppose.
The weather has been scary in tune with my moods (or maybe vice versa) lately causing me wonder not the normal type of thing like how connected to the earth we all are, but rather whether the weather also has PMS.
Got woken up by hail the other morning. Kinda scary, but only because my first thought at deciphering the sound of hail crashing against my window was the idea of a pack of escaped asylum lunatics playing with teaspoons against the glass.
Because of course that is how escaped asylum lunatics hunt their prey. Erm...
Do you remember how I said I already missed the Gilmore Girls? I dreamed I was Rory, and Jess was sitting on a chair in front of me, and as I faced him Dean came up and got all huffy about him being back.
As this happened Jess for some reason or another started kissing each of the fingertips on my left hand, causing Dean to freak and storm off.
At least I think he stormed off. I woke up and felt all warm and fuzzy after that... now, if I can just programme my subconscious to show episodes every night, I should be okay til it returns next year.
I'll stop with the dream descriptions because I know I'm the only one reading this by now but I do just have to add some curiosity as to why I dreamed Colleen was pregnant and later gave birth to a red jelly baby (which she displayed proudly, saying something like "Before the doctor was all worried because he was blue, but now he's red it's okay because that means he's healthy"), and to why I earlier dreamed that I had a close and intimate relationship with Billy Zane, when my conscious wasn't even sure if he was a real person...
Oops. I meant to stop before that, really...
Turns out I have a 1000 word assessment due tomorrow, huh. Probably should start that sometime soon...
I still do wish I was Rory (or even Barbara v 2.0 "The Pure") because I know both of them would exhibit distress at this and go do the task immediately.
But truth is I'm neither and as long as I keep scraping by I'll keep scraping by. Does that make sense...?
In other news I booked the hair, a strangely liberating experience. I will get the ridiculously expensive magic straight perm at 2pm next Tuesday, and for once will have ... something.
I'm not sure what either. In other related news that means this next week will be "Do as you feel" week for my hair... yes I will let its tangles and frizzyness roam free and make it all unsuspecting of its oncoming banishment.
Muahahaha...
I tried to buy food today. I went into local supermarket and roamed the aisles, which are full of now no-no foods.
Just til I get self under control.
Ended up with water and yoghurt for self and "bird lollipops" for my pet birds and native wildlife.
I figured at least one of us should be having a treat...
This isn't so much a weight thing (although I would like to diminish the slightly pregnantlike stomach) as a, I-need-to-stop-using-yummy-food-as-a solution/addition-to-following-moods/events (boredom, unhappiness, depression, anger, resentment, frustration, happiness, procrastination... etc)
So don't get wrong impressioned, I am not in hungersville but in boringfoodsville, the realm of water and vegetables and other such ungodly, barely edible items.
Advice to the world (and your cue to laugh uproariously as you all know how well qualified I am to dispense such advice): Smile and mean it more often. I was at work and I had that supervisor who is basically a prick, blah. I mean he mopes around the place with this vague disinterest about him which makes him appear snooty in a weasel-like fashion. But then the other day when I did something stupid and he was there and he actually smiled! For that second he looked like a completely different person... different in a good way. So get to it people! Show some teeth. This is soon-to-be-hideously-poor-and-horredously-in-debt-Babs, signing out.
My problem re: change+me is that it seems to be happening at snail pace, when what I really want is some illegal speeding to different.
And even if the end product is... well... let's just say undesirable, maybe even a little grotesque, I still wish I'd just get there already.
I speak wrong, as if there is a there to be gotten, a point where I can sit back and enjoy the fact that I've lived (while not actually living anymore).
I can hear you quietly muttering that that time is called 'old age'. Stop that, we're too young to be so bitter...
Onto brighter things I suppose.
The weather has been scary in tune with my moods (or maybe vice versa) lately causing me wonder not the normal type of thing like how connected to the earth we all are, but rather whether the weather also has PMS.
Got woken up by hail the other morning. Kinda scary, but only because my first thought at deciphering the sound of hail crashing against my window was the idea of a pack of escaped asylum lunatics playing with teaspoons against the glass.
Because of course that is how escaped asylum lunatics hunt their prey. Erm...
Do you remember how I said I already missed the Gilmore Girls? I dreamed I was Rory, and Jess was sitting on a chair in front of me, and as I faced him Dean came up and got all huffy about him being back.
As this happened Jess for some reason or another started kissing each of the fingertips on my left hand, causing Dean to freak and storm off.
At least I think he stormed off. I woke up and felt all warm and fuzzy after that... now, if I can just programme my subconscious to show episodes every night, I should be okay til it returns next year.
I'll stop with the dream descriptions because I know I'm the only one reading this by now but I do just have to add some curiosity as to why I dreamed Colleen was pregnant and later gave birth to a red jelly baby (which she displayed proudly, saying something like "Before the doctor was all worried because he was blue, but now he's red it's okay because that means he's healthy"), and to why I earlier dreamed that I had a close and intimate relationship with Billy Zane, when my conscious wasn't even sure if he was a real person...
Oops. I meant to stop before that, really...
Turns out I have a 1000 word assessment due tomorrow, huh. Probably should start that sometime soon...
I still do wish I was Rory (or even Barbara v 2.0 "The Pure") because I know both of them would exhibit distress at this and go do the task immediately.
But truth is I'm neither and as long as I keep scraping by I'll keep scraping by. Does that make sense...?
In other news I booked the hair, a strangely liberating experience. I will get the ridiculously expensive magic straight perm at 2pm next Tuesday, and for once will have ... something.
I'm not sure what either. In other related news that means this next week will be "Do as you feel" week for my hair... yes I will let its tangles and frizzyness roam free and make it all unsuspecting of its oncoming banishment.
Muahahaha...
I tried to buy food today. I went into local supermarket and roamed the aisles, which are full of now no-no foods.
Just til I get self under control.
Ended up with water and yoghurt for self and "bird lollipops" for my pet birds and native wildlife.
I figured at least one of us should be having a treat...
This isn't so much a weight thing (although I would like to diminish the slightly pregnantlike stomach) as a, I-need-to-stop-using-yummy-food-as-a solution/addition-to-following-moods/events (boredom, unhappiness, depression, anger, resentment, frustration, happiness, procrastination... etc)
So don't get wrong impressioned, I am not in hungersville but in boringfoodsville, the realm of water and vegetables and other such ungodly, barely edible items.
Advice to the world (and your cue to laugh uproariously as you all know how well qualified I am to dispense such advice): Smile and mean it more often. I was at work and I had that supervisor who is basically a prick, blah. I mean he mopes around the place with this vague disinterest about him which makes him appear snooty in a weasel-like fashion. But then the other day when I did something stupid and he was there and he actually smiled! For that second he looked like a completely different person... different in a good way. So get to it people! Show some teeth. This is soon-to-be-hideously-poor-and-horredously-in-debt-Babs, signing out.
